Journal

I have set myself the task of keeping a journal. That is, I've kept one for nearly seven years but now I've set myself the task of writing in it daily. Which is not as easy, somedays too little happens, or so many things happen but nothing worth mentioning, or worst of all so many things happen that it is impossible to mention them all. Just my luck I guess.
Any advice is of course appreciated.

Sun at Fort Bragg

This is one of those pictures taken, nearly a month ago. How I miss the time. I'd give a lot to be looking at the sun above the pacific ocean still. Not because of the sun only but because of the company because it was in almost every meaning of the world a perfect day. If only the sun had been a falling star then I could wish to be there still.

Nine Months

It is nine months since I had to admit I was in love, or rather that I had fallen in love not two hours before. How can one love, months and months questioning that love but never being able to let go of that love. I don't know how, merely that I have. And that I can forget him for some hours everyday. For some days every week, but then I see a shadow of him, some man walks past and resembles him as icecubes resemble icecream, someone mentions his name. And I am lost again. Fall in love all over with someone who couldn't care less.

Things I've learned while in the USA or at arrival home - part 2

Never eat at McDonald's, if you crave fastfood go euh anywhere rather then eating at McDonald's; If it is McDonald's or starvation: die rather then eating at McDonald's.

Clouds are infinitely beautiful (or can be), where ever you are.

Life is hard when you're not allowed to buy stickers. Or glitter pens. Or scented paper.

Feeding each other with chopsticks is not as much fun as it sounds.

My appreciation of certain actors' genius is endless, but my appreciation of their good looks isn't.

Spending another month working in refrigerator warm factory, for a ticket to the US isn't a waste of time if going to the US is a matter of friendship rather then tourism.

Things I've Learned while in the USA or at Arrival Home- part I

Few items of Belgian Patisserie compare to KrispyKreme Pumpkin Spice Doughnuts.

Life is not as much fun when there is none to rebuke in the name of good taste.

I think I shall have to have children to make up for little fingers no longer poking me.

The Pacific doesn't smell as salty as the Atlantic Ocean.

There is no limit to the tastelessness of TV shopping.

Shopping for clothes can be fun (wonder stranger, this I had to learn afore two weeks I was one of those to buy the cheapest of whatever item I needed then to rush of to a nearby bookstore and spend all my allowance (that is whatever I allowed myself to spend) on the complete works of some or other wellknown author).

Adults should be allowed to buy whatever item om toys they like as long as they don't deny their surrounding children to occasionally share in their play.

Flying to the Promissed Land

It all started a hectic two weeks back, hecyic because I had to contact professors about my being absent for a while, I had to try to do some work for them in advance, I had to list and put away items I shouldn't forget to pack, in between organise and attend a two-day birthdayparty and of course keep up the regular writing to friends, penfriends and backgroundinfo sections for my fantastic novel.

Hectic and stressful and pannicky because I knew exactly what to take but realised too late I hed left most of it in my beloved University City. Plus I was tired and couldn't find my passport which was by no means lost but lying at so visible a place I continually overlooked it. Having finaly spotted it, I put it away and went to bed so happy all was well. In fact so happy when might call it excited. So excited I barely slept.
So at 6:30 am barely rested but still excited I'm woken up by my dear parents. A short wash, quick dress and minimum breakfast later I'm dropped of at the nearest railwaystation.

GREAT! My first actual trip accross the ocean, the furthest place I ever went and nobody bothers waving me off. On the other hand it shows confidence in me and thus I take further steps towards adulthood (yeah right). Stepping on the train, off the train, on another train and off again I arive at the airport. Several identity checks, security checks and bodysearches later I'm allowed on the plane and I seat myself next to a middle aged, married globetrotter who is going to chigago to pick up his wife from a bussiness trip. Quite convenient it was for me to have someone with prior US experience to help me fill in the nonimmigrant/non resident/ anti terrorism forms (with handy questions such as ; are you a terrorist? were you a nazi between 1933 and 1945? (no but I am now) will you involve in illegal activeities while in the US? etc).

For more notes on this trip please check back later.

California Dreaming

Less then one week hence, I shall be bathing in the California sun. Hum. This time of year, it is more likely that I shall be showering in the California rain. (Or does it really never rain in California.)
All around me people give me advice on what to see and what to do. Eating cookie dough chipped ice cream being the most novel and surprising tip. What I know for ertain is that I will meet Flippr, the best friend imaginable. I can barely wait.

Escape and attract male attention: how not to do it.

Being a girl with big breast is not fun, being a girl who likes to wear short skirts is also not fun, being a plain and insecure girl is definately not fun. You get noticed by the wrong sort of me- or worse women ( no offence to gay people but I'm possitively straight no doubt about it) - and never learn how to deal with them. Must I just make fun of them, subtly hinting I'm not interested or run and run far?
I don't know.

Being a plain girl, having had no serious relationship before and being in love with someone you haven't seen in 4 months is not fun. The one man I love is I-don't-know-where and probably not thinking of me.
In the bussiness of getting and getting rid of men I fail time and time again.

An Introduction to Boredom

When others are faced with an unpleasant task, you may often observe the Countdown unto happier events. Monotonous manual labour in a subroomtemperature environment qualifies as 'unpleasant task', so I thought why not kill some time observing what my temporarily colleagues count down to.
Alas, no variation whatsoever. Where I seem to countdown to every happy event in the near and not so near future ( last BBQ of the summer, trip to California, friends' birthdayparty, my younger sisters' marriage, etc), everybody else seems only interested in passing the time between now and the next cigarette.
I hope there is more to life and until I have certainty, I'll long for homework.

Is the answer blowing in the wind?

How many months must a heart be broken before it is healed?
How many scars can love leave on a soul?
How many doubts must I overcome to wander free?
How many friends must I win and lose?
How many pages more must I write before the book is at an end?
How many birthdays must I celebrate before I forget my age?
Is the answer blowing in the wind? I wish.

Nearly 21

Every year, from the end of august onward I countdown the days towards my birthday. For the very first time I have received a present 2 weeks early. An excellent gift it is too. A bright green silver rimmed lunchbox with matching beaker. Unfortunately accompanied from a letter which I am not to open until the 18th of September. So far I have resisted the urge to rip open the envelope, I doubt whether Benny (he who gave the gift) shall believe it but as I write my curiosity is not yet satisfied. Alas. Such hardships must I endure.

What...

... is the correct name for the colour between purple and pink?
... do other people do on Friday evening?
... is my biggest problem?
... animals can swim, fly and walk gracefully?
... is the best film ever made?
... should I wear for my first day at work?
... would a girl's life be without chocolate?
... will never die?
... will never live?
... do Scotsmen wear under their kilts?
... would Confucius think of house warmingparty snacks?
... is the secret ingredient of a Coca-Cola
... on earth is a plastic giraffe doing in our neighbours' garden?
... can you bake from 1 egg, 1 pound of flour, 1 cup of sugar, 2 cups of milk, a handful of raisins, a twist of rum and two spoons of sugar?
... sound does yellow make in the dark?

Why?- Part 2

... is it so hard to say 'I love you'?
... do people like horses so much?
... is the dolphin a more popular seamammal then the walrus?
... do elves have pointy ears?
... does seasalt taste better then other salt?
... can't I fall in love with someone who cares for me?
... do parents assume they know what is best for you?
... does lipstick taste so bad?
... aren't my eyes skyblue but speckled?
... is 7 a holy number?
... don't I like the taste of beer?
... is there a horoscope in every magazine when 'nobody' reads them?
... did Professor Dumbledore have to die?
... does blonde hair grow faster then brown hair?
... is Asian black hair more beautiful then Caucasian black hair?
... do some plants grow away from the light?
... don't my plants grow at all?
... do so many people like to wear jeans?
... are dangerous men so attractive?
... are red roses the flowers of love when most of them don't even smell good?
... do people define the colour pigs have as pink?
... are there so few people who can do a good bbq?
... do I cry at night?
... has there never been found a satisfying alternative for chocolate candy?

Why?

... are cute guys gay, unavailable or both?
... does love hurt?
... are lemon mints addictive?
... don't I have any musical talent?
... do I have 10 fountain pens?
... can't I stop thinking about him?
... does it rain in august?
... does god exists?
... does my nose itch all the time?
... don't my goldfish like the new aquariumfish food?
... do I feel the urge to cover all my letters in stickers?
... am I writing?
... do ugly men marry beautiful women and vice versa?
... am I afraid?
... is anybody afraid?
... does baby oil smell so good?
... do I really believe in magic?
... are there so few good actresses?
... doesn't light green look good on me?
... do I like small spiders and hate big ones?
... can't people fly?
... aren't there more fonts to chose from in the editing of post on this blog?
... is a coward called a chicken when in fact chickens are a lot braver then -for example- cows?
... do I hate orange?
... do people like my eyes?
... is there no such thing as love insurance?

How I love 'les poissons'

You may or may not know that I have three fish- called Andreas, Judas and Magdalena. For the benefit and enjoyment of friends with whom I keep an offline journal, I make up stories about these finned friends in which these brave young swimmers survive ghosts in miniature Bayern castles, door-to-door salesmen, plastic ducks, alien attacks, toads in love and the looking-for-prey-eyes of the hungry housecats.
Be not fooled, my pets are three goldfish living in an aquarium on my desk. And they are completely normal, Andreas' anorexia nervosa, Judas tendency to bump the sides of the bowl and to jump out of the water and Magdalena's fetish affection for the rubber marine plants possibly excepted.

"Live with me, and be my love"

Among the many books I own is a Complete Works of William Shakespeare, a rather sober edition; but I am not wealthy and was even less so when I bought it. Lately I came across these lines from Sonnets to Sundry Notes of Music, V. "Live with me, and be my love":


LIVE with me, and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That hills and valleys, dales and fields,
And all the craggy mountains yields.

There will we sit upon the rocks,
And see the shepherds feed their flocks,
By shallow rivers, by whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

There will I make thee a bed of roses,
With a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle
Embroider'd all with leaves of myrtle.

A belt of straw and ivy buds,
With coral clasps and amber studs;
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Then live with me and be my love.

You may guess that I am in love, you'd be right. But I could never tell him for fear the answer might even be less positive then the one below.

LOVE'S ANSWER

If that the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move,
To live with thee and be thy love.

Not a major dieting success

Three years back, I imposed some cruelty on myself, refusing for the course of an entire year to eat chocolate and drink alcohol. To my great surprise I found this not so hard. After 367 days I lost 1537 grams of bodyweight. Not what one would call a major dieting success.
Unwilling as I am to learn from mistakes made in the past, I am ready to torture myself a bit more - by al means call me a masochist. From September first I will for a period of thirteen months abstain from all edible and drinkable substances containing alcohol and cacao and also from bacon flavoured crisps. All that catch me consuming any of the above mentioned products are hereby commissioned to punish me as they see fit.

Loveletters in the sand

What do you do at the beach when you haven't got your swimsuit with you? Write loveletters in the sand.
I know 3 katakana isn't much of a declaration de amor but it's enough, I could not even tell him how much I was in love let alone the entire world.

Grafiti

Last year, walking home on a warm but not hot autumn evening, feeling very sad, I found this written on a railway station wall.

The child within

every now and then I go to a fair, and every time again it feels good to know the child in me still lives