Join me in death.

The title of a favourite song of mine. And the fitting title to a post that is all about longing to die.

Maybe it's female instability, maybe it's lack of mental health, maybe it's not feeling loved by those one cares about. Maybe it's just me.
Just 2 days ago, I could have died of laughter, because a girl handed me a love note in name of a friend of hers. Not only was her acting unconvicing and the note macho rather then romantic; simply the thought of me, having a date with a man that I didn't even know, that I couldn't possibly care about while the object of my love was within eyesight ... it was such an odd situation and I couldn't help laughing, no matter how examstressed I was, it made my day.


Now, while still thinking the situation simply hilarious, the heart is filled with sadness. The only thought I can hold in my head for longer then two seconds is: ' He doesn't love me'. Two days ago this was a happy thought, remembering former in-lovenesses, I presumed it would be exactly the same this time, realising he doesn't love me and then start to forget I was ever in love. But not so now. I am in love. And I don't want to be.

I am in love and I can't be. I want to die but can't kill myself. Being tied to life strongly with strings of friendship.