Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts

Sunday, April 19

Looking forward to monday ???

Don't tell me why you don't like mondays. In general I think I share your views on this one, but next monday is one I'm having mixed feeling about. It is after all the 20th of april: a day of sad memories.* 
And this year a day on which I don't have to go to work and might be seeing the one I secretly (and not so secretly) long for again.


*the anniversary of a most unwelcome death

Friday, April 3

Twee zachte armen om me heen....*

It has been for the first time in a very long time that last night I have wanted a boy/girlfriend regardles of being in love (which I am by the way but more on this subject later).

Not because it is what family and society alike seem to expect of me.

Not because I think a partner-for-life is essential for my happiness.

Not because I'm utterly sex-crazed from the withdrawal of physical attention.

But because it would be so nice to be able to say "Hold me for a while" without the immediate need for an explanation.

ANd I really don't feel like explaining. I only makes me tremble with anger. An negative loop that I need to get out of.

*two soft arms around me, a reference to a well-know dutch claasic about the solitude of a pestered misunderstood boy whose father is a sea

Tuesday, February 24

Halfway Sugarfree

Halfway today.

A large milestone that would have been more impressive if I hadn't been cheating once or twice, but it can be said without exageration that my sugar intake has been seriously reduced and that I an happier and more energetic for it.

If only I could get myself to wake up earlier and go for a run every now and then... I might actually get in shape before the summer. but who am I really kidding. I may have left a grand desire for sweetness behind, I'm alrady hooked on an equally addictive substance: dragonslaying

Sunday, February 1

No more office supplies

Dear dear reader,

The yet-another-limitation of which I will speak now, has been set a few weeks ago, but since it is one I find very difficult to keep, I have been silent for now.

The thing is that I'm trying to save some money for the ultimate box of pencils (and/or the ultimate box of water soluble wax pastels) and the only expense left to economise on is purchase of office and art supplies. It makes great sense to not spend anything before I can spend it on the last thing I will ever need or want (or so I think).

Dream with me....


Thursday, October 30

Rant XII

My faithful readers know enough of my character to think that the description of me as a person lacking patience is, if not accurate, at least an understatement.
A lack which I believe has been less and less apparent in the years wherein the posts on this blog have been increasingly few in number, but not solely because the quick temper was less often expressed. I pride myself on being very near the most balanced person that I can be. Very near indeed. If you, my dear dear reader are aware of faults in your own character, of which you know that with continuing self-restraint AND self-discipline you may lessen their evil influence over your actions and more importantly reactions, would it not hurt you in no small part to notice that hard work being undone by a source outside of yourself?

For that is what for ten months now haunts me.

I might never wake up happy, but nonetheless I wake up often enough well-rested and contented, vigorous and with a myriad  creative ideas to occupy my time outside the dull four walls of office space, but every day by lunchtime all my vigour, patience and determination are sapped. Sapped clear and dry (not sure if this is a proper english-language expression) because it takes whatever energy I can muster to keep my temper under control while my good intentions and clear instructions are being mocked and met with disdain and puzzled looks.