Hiding under my pillow

The loathable evil-doer struck again. As none can fail to know that I am bound by honor, a challenge and some consideration for my teeth to abstain from any such beverages as might be called soda pops, the rapscallioning malefactor has dealt a hard blow indeed by stuffing my beloved berth's bedlinen with a sample can of the brew of which you see a picture on the left.

Damned be the execrable miscreant.