Edit for December 11th

Edit: I hate it when I'm right. And I usually am. So far I love my job every other part of my life is the mess I made of it.

December 11th

Forever I have been doubting myself, until I proved today to myself my worth. I wonder if today will be the day that everything changes? Probably not.

Nonetheless I'm content and very much in the mood for celebration.

This is (not) the end

Recently a certain someone with whom I feel very connected made an end to his/her blog. I was very sorry for although I know next to nothing about him/her I usually thought about the person as a friend if not as a kindred soul. And it made me think. Why do I keep this blog? Why do I write altogether it serves but this purpose to let everyone I love know that I am unhappy for reasons they can never understand in full depth.

Thus I hurt myself even more by causing them pain.

I wish this was THE END. But that would just be too easy, wouldn't it?

Poem III

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Mary Frye (1932)

Money down the drain.

What good is it to spend money you don't have on fixing the seven month flat fore-tire of your bicycle when as you finally regain the use of your beloved and trusted bike, the rear-tire goes kabang, 6 miles from home?

6 miles from the warm comfy bed that you wouldn't have had to leave if the job counsellor would have taken the trouble to read your résumé first, instead of simply deciding on the dot that you may be to highly qualified already to apply for a course to improve what little competences your fellow contestants have that ARE eligible.

String Theory

If only it would be true for everyone. Found around here.

Cat-profile

Music to my ears. You Are a Bengal Cat

You look wild, but deep down, you're really quite sweet. You are curious about the world around you, and you love to explore. You liked to swim and climb trees as a kid... and probably still do! You are confident and energetic. You are ready to take on the world.

What Breed of Cat Are You?

Just as futile

I might indeed have written love letters in the sand at low tide, it would have mattered just as much.

Quote #29

Found around here. Excellent question by the way.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

MONA...

... now selfconfident in black'n'white polka dot bikinipants.


I went swimming. In an outfit less covering than antyhting else I've wore in public since the age of two. I thought I'd be embarrased, but actually I felt well. Pretty, confident, almost happy, even joyful but above all: alive.

Edit: you know me wel enough not to expect this mood to linger.

Quote #28

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

J.R.R. Tolkien

Rant IV

I have

• no job
• no boyfriend
• no outlook on vacation
• no inspiration
• no answer to the billion question swirling through my mind
• little to no energy

and yet you tell me to do the one thing I can't.

What my castle says about me...

The Castle Personality Test

You are a bit tentative when it comes to new experiences. You have to push yourself to try new things, but once you do, you love the adventure. You like to think that people see you as intellectual and wise. You consider yourself to be very smart. You are a very romantic person. You can't help but see the world as it should be. Right now, stress occasionally makes you feel trapped in your life. You usually have a clear perspective on things though! Overall, your life is dramatic and unpredictable. You life in interesting times. You feel like the fate of the future partially rests in your hands. You believe you need to help make the world a better place.

The Castle Personality Test

Smile

This is how I feel when you give me compliments.

Rope

I went out to buy rope today. A not so very shocking exploit but wile walking I spotted two lengths of polyblend cotton wool and it reminded me of 'The Law of Attraction'. It goes like this: if you want something bad enough, it will come your way. This being a very very simple explanation. The strand of thread that I found were by no means long and strong enough, not even the right colour for what I intended with them but still, it couldn't be coincidence, could it?

A New Beginning

I'm venturing this will not be the only blogpost with that title posted around this time. Rest assured however, this will not be about the US elections, or the kitchen I dream of, or an umpth new crush. It's just the umpth new blog I've started. It's in Dutch and about Dungeons and Dragons. That should keep all of you very very very far away. Click on a random word in this post to find a link.

Quote #27

Can't argue with a bear can you?

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

Winnie the Pooh

Jack-O-Lantern

They couldn't have got it more wrong, not if they tried.

What Your Jack-o-Lantern Says

You are a naturally cheerful, happy go lucky person. You're the type of person to see Halloween through the eyes of a child. This Halloween, dress up as something cute - like a bunny. The candy you should give out: candy corn

The Jack-o-Lantern Quiz

How doubt backfires

Somewhat against my intentions I was dragged to 'Night of the Proms' last night. I use the word 'dragged' but I had no intention whatsoever to spend an evening mostly driving to and back from Antwerp to sit in a really uncomfortable chair to listen how have-been pop stars and a mediocre orchestra ruined some of the previous centuries' greatest music, all this hosted by C who's name I'd rather not mention, let alone pay for it. However it seems my mother knows someone who's daughter works for a guy who knows someone that could get us free seats. My sister being inconvenienced by a boyfriend emergency, I was gently ushered into the car and later on into the Sportpaleis. The whole music and show element of the evening turned out more enjoyable than I dared venture, now however comes the point of my little rambling.

Us being non-paying guests and also not so very important. We got to wait and enjoy the pause and the after-show drinks in the not-so VIP lounge. Incidentally placed between the backstage entrance and the very VIP lounge. Bold as I sometimes dare think myself, I ventured through the gate of paradise on earth aka the artist lounge backstage, having set myself the task of returning home with at least one autograph. Ed Kowalczyk and Sinéad O'Connor being by far the two most interesting performers that evening (or at least in my perception), entering seemed not a problem, however where to find them by lack of One Ring? And which of the two to address once located because chatting with one would inevitable reduce my chances when asking the next. And while I was doubting I became the girl that was flirting* with the head of security. It only goes to show you shouldn't ask a guy for his opinion.

* I suppose it was flirting, it went something like this: smile, chat, show cleavage, tell joke, laugh at his sexist remark, picturing myself spanking him with nail-improved hippopotamus leather whips, show more cleavage, smile and be interrupted by my dad who wanted us to proceed home.

WWYD?

Interesting question. And for the time being I think my answer would be: seduce (nearly) every man I've ever been in love with.

What was I thinking?

a.k.a the return of posts that consist out of nothing but M's rants on conspiracies against her happiness.

The above pretty much sums it up but for the time being its the closest I get to expressing how I feel. No doubt my life will improve considerably once I realise how wonderful I am but I've never felt wonderful, you can hardly expect me to act like it.

Only 65%?

You Are 65% Witch

You've got some pretty witchy stuff going on. Even if you're not a witch, you've got to admit that you're a little freaky. You have a strong independent streak - social norms be damned. More power to you. Luckily, the time when you would have been burned at the stake has passed!

Are You a Witch?

The long-awaited Update On How M Feels (or so I hope)

Yes. You're quite right, this blog has been whaning to a mere shadow of it's former self. And typos are starting to be more and more frequent. But there are excuses, my emotional state fluctuates constantly and updating on that conto would, I fear, only confuse what little readers I have. True, it doesn't mean I HAVE to post overly long blobs of literature, but that makes what poetry that I do post a little more read and as such a little more fixed in the mind of the world, as I think those pieces of sheer eloquence deserve. Although their length does bother me, when I consider the space the take- so much for the easy-reading part of this blog.

As to how I feel... not so very well, but I've kept myself far away from the abyss, which I hope you appreciate.

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!
So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Dr. Seuss

Rubber Dodo Awards '08

It's politics again but... seeing that I love a joke as much as the next man, I might have posted this also in the unlikely event that I was a republican American.

Quote #26

"One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it's affection, the taste or a trial run for the jugular."

Helen Thomson

The End of the World is at Hand

I often have to control myself not to start political discussions on this blog, however from time to time I come accross someone else's opinion, or a quote or an image such as the above that so well describes how I feel about a certain subject that I cannot but post it here. Rest assured I'll try not to make a habbit out of it.

If

If indeed.

Risotto

For the first time in whiles I had the undefinable pleasure to host a dinner gathering for more than two people. It felt like being the aunt/mother/ kitchengoddess that I (not so) secretly want to be, or that other people suspect me of being already. It feels very much like coming home from a hard day at work, soaking wet from the unexpected autumn shower that caught you 200 yards from the front door and being able to sit down with a cup of tea, a glass of sherry and a big plate of biscuits. In other words: wuzzle. Or in words every reader might be able to interpret: as if that was the part I have to play and I was the only one who could do it. It makes me feel good about myself.

Socks ARE statements

Close but bot quite, I'd say.

What Your Socks Say About You

You Are: - Quite cuddly - Downright adorable - Truly kind - Infinitely patient

The Socks Personality Test

Stalk

You Are Stalking

You tend to be very obsessive. Once you focus your attention on something or someone, it's all you think about. You are also very secretive. People don't know much about the life that you lead. You are attracted to weak people. You may want to prey on them, but you also may just want to help them. You need attention, and you can get desperate if you aren't getting attention from the right person. You'll do about anything to get noticed.

What Felony Are You?

I don't entirely agree but... the truth can't be denied, now can it?

List of Birthday Presents '08

In no particular order...

• prodstick
• cotton wool
• glittery handbag
• Tinkerbell Fairy-sized tea set
• chocolate
• more chocolate
• shoes from le fille d'O
• golden earrings
• black leather gloves
• spatulas
• hand crossbow
• chocolate
• more chocolate
• ice cream machine
• bottle of wine
• kitten treat box
• 3 types of fancy tea
• pink ceramic rabbit stapler
• ceramic pot with übertasty goodies
• lump of clay
• water gun
• double teapot
• Eastern style tea cups
• chocolate
• more chocolate

19th September - part two

September 19 isn't just about pirates, it's also the birthday of two girls I'm very fond of, even though half of those girls are fictional. Happy Birthday Hermione and L. !

19th September - part one

I remember posting figurative cartloads of youtube clips that ought to have taught you how to talk like a pirate, so this year you can put it into practice. The above is just a little fun.

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate's Day, Everyone!

Birthday Messages

Apparently I kept note of them last year so if there is anyone keeping track here's the balance for this year: 11 text messages, 5 facebook wall messages, 1 facebook inbox message, 2 birthday cards, three real life congratulations and 5 kisses. Just too bad I got the first kisses from one of the friends I like least*.


* I don't mean you, shirahime. You're the friend I like best.

(Not so) Happy Birthday

Don't pity me, don't comfort me, don't ask. I shall be well again. If only because my friends deserve better than to worry constantly whether I'm happy enough.

Fourth Edition Interview

As a enthousiastic player and nearly as enthuosiastic DM, I try to keep up with the changes, though I intend to continue in 3.5 myself.

Confronting Tiefling and Gnome


The Beholder speaks


The Mindflayer aks some questions

Another List

Only days stand between me and the date which will add one year to my age, and plenty of people are trying to make me curious for the presents they have in store for me. However an equal amount of people has confessed to not knowing what I would like. For over twenty years I thought I was easy to buy for, but apparently not. Among the many not-so -careful hints that this blog already contains, this list may or may not be a list of things I want.

• apron ( natural fibre, please refrain from ucky prints)
• clay
• extra-dimensional storing space
• lots of letters
• a pasta machine
• insight in male psychology

Turning into a geek.

There is much to be discussed. There is a lot that I want said and known. I had intended to write three days ago and tell you that for the first time since I can remember I have borrowed more non-fiction than fiction from my local library. I wanted to tell you that one of the books deals wwith fixing computers and the others with history. I wanted to say that I already gave up on trying to save for clothes but intend to spend all of what a red cardigan dress with V-neck and puffy sleeves would cost on RPG-books. I want to share my joy, my infinite joy at finding another padawan prepared to join our d&d-circle.

And all this made me realise that if I didn't dress like a hippie I might qualify for nerddom. Hooray for flary trousers and colourful shirts.

The Playing Card Test

What Your Playing Cards Tell About Your Future

Right now you are facing some major difficulties, especially in the financial arena. Your emotions are currently tied to a current disappointment. It's likely that someone has disappointed you... or will disappoint you. Your closest friend is someone you should consider marrying. Or the person you marry will become your closest friend. The near future will bring a shady, selfish person into your life. This person will bring a lot of bad news. Beware of trouble in love. You may lose a romantic relationship, but you will be able to move on.

The Playing Card Test

Who could have guessed randomness could come so close to the truth. I'm not going to marry my best (male) friend though, I like his girlfriend too much.

Make A Wish

Looks like someting I wish I had cartloads of, just so I could make everyone I love a little happier.

Options

Before I tell you what. I would just like to say that I know I shouldn't throw my entire personal life for grabs on-line, hence the possible vagueness of this post. Also this post is about only one person even though two known readers might feel it's about them.

I have options, plenty of options. (1) I could pretend nothing happened. Comfort X. Say 'It'll be alright' and move on. I known in time X'll see me as a friend again but what would be friendship to X would be a lie to me. (2) I could do what X do(es), blame everybody else and become a vegetable again, but I've only just escaped from simple shrugging and not-caring. (3)Disappear. If X cannot see me, I cannot hurt X. But that just too easy, isn't it?

Hmm, three probably isn't 'plenty' but still, I have no idea what I should/ can do. Advice would be helpful but I suppose I'll have to figure it out as I have been doing since normality crept in.

A Poem #2

Oh yes
there are worse things than
being alone
but it often takes decades
to realize this
and most often
when you do
it's too late
and there's nothing worse
than
too late.

Charles Bukowski

A Poem #1

Tell me, if I caught you one day
and kissed the sole of your foot,
wouldn't you limp a little then,
afraid to crush my kiss?...

Nichita Stãnescu

Too beautiful not too post. Stumbled upon it around here.

The Flash of the neon lights

It's hard to believe though, since I majorly screwed up as a friend, today.

Tee hee hee (bis)

It's probably still not what you think. As very usual in my life, nothing whatsoever happened. Only a short, very short message, that made me smile. And after the smile, came butterflies. Until, a split second later, I started to think about it and then there was doubt. And now I'm confused again. Why can't I just say: 'I like you, and you should like me too. Let's hook up.'?

Birthday Party Announcement

One month to go, so tou had all better start shopping for presents. Also you might want to go on a diet because If you're attending I'll probably stuff you like turkeys on Thanksgiving. Except that I don't celebrate Thanksgiving and you don't look like a bunch of turkeys. :-S

I'm just saying, don't plan anything on september 20, you're all invited for drinks and munchies and chatter. Hope to see you guys there. RSVP's would be nice.

Great Unexpactations

It may or may not be obvious to those among you who count themselves as my closest friends, but all is not well. I had hoped that with the first consecutive 5 minutes of internetconnection in four days I would be typing the sequel of Tee Hee Hee. Not that I would only feel disappointment.

M is for...

What Morgan Means

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

There are enough adjectives in the above to describe the entirity of mankind, and yet I have no friends who would deny the very last sentence to be applicable.

10 things people should be more aware of when talking to me

I don't suppose even one person who reads this doesn't already know this, but I'm a wee tad bored and in dire need of a blogpost so...

1. I have very attractive feet: look at them instead of my boobs.
2. I'm not easily flattered
3. I'm specifically unflattered by obviously untrue compliments
4. I can be very serious about subjects that only exist in my or even other people's imagination
5. I seldomly get bored of telling anyone within earshot how much I would like to die
6. I like to invite people for dinner
7. I'm quite easily offended, if you wish to enter a conversation with me, it is best to speak as little as possible
8. If you are saying nice things about me, it's extra nice if you cuddle, but don't touch my hair or my nipples
9. I don't smile much, I also hardly ever laugh so don't take offence if your jokes are met with icecold looks
10. Don't cheer me up! I hate being cheered up.

Ye Pirate Muncher

This is what I want for my birthday. Nothing else.

Quote #25

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

Henry Ward Beecher
US abolitionist & clergyman (1813 - 1887)

True enough, in my case. The real reason I haven't bought new clothes is not that I'm saving; I spent all my sales money on books.

Don't laugh at me

Pragmatism in Love

"Don't be afraid."

"Drink two glasses of wine, pause, drink another glass and follow your instincts."

"Don't let the moment slip through your fingers."

"Be loved and love back."

"Sometimes it's better to be a little pragmatic, it's no use to analyse untill you're certain who you love most."

All such good advice. But none that is applicable. None that will help me out of the mess I got myself into. I am afraid. I've drunken wine. I let every second slip away and regret it continually. I am not loved. I barely dare to love myself. And I still will analyse everything I might feel. Don't try to comfort me, it won't work, divert me instead.

Cat ad interim

Among many other things that occurred this weekend, I became adoptive mother ad interim of this little fellow. For the time being it's name is Rincewind, should you however be in any way interested in giving a cat a warm home it is your perogative to baptise it as you wish.

2/5

Apparently, in every relationship there comes a point were you and your partner sit togeter and make a list of which celebrity you can sleep with, sould the opportunity come, without te other making a fuss/ fight.

I have now after three days of consideration 2 men I might consider. Enjoy!





And just for the record, I'm not talking about wat is considered the male part of Brangelina.

Tee hee hee

It may make little sense to most of you. And for those who find meaning in this, it may appear more than it is, but still I would like to warn you, much of my conversation may later today go like this: Tee hee. Tee hee hee. Tee hiie hee hee hee hee hee. Tee hee hee. Hihihi. Tee hee hee.

Fireworks?

What Your These Fireworks Say About You

You are jubilant and easily excited. While you aren't very intense or passionate, your happiness is abundant. You can always find cause to celebrate, laugh, or even just smile to yourself. You find that life is full of things to be happy about!

The Fireworks Test

So far, the looking for truth and meaning in internet personality tests.

PAM PAM

Print and carry in your wallet at all times.

Pawn

A better title for this post, may have been 'Chess' but you catch my drift. I don't have the makings of a very good player but I know it's a damn silly thing for the Queen to move when the king isn't where you tought he was.

We did it!

This was in my mailbox today:

We set a Guinness World Record for the most software downloads in 24 hours. With your help we reached 8,002,530 downloads.

You are now part of a World Record and the proud owner of the best version of Firefox yet!

Rain

It helps me think, to walk home in the rain. It also convinces me that I must be mad. And that life is fair. I don't ever get what I want, but exactly what I deserve.

On a side note: I arrived home long before I was soaking wet and as I type the far rumblings of thunder make me glad I'm behind glass and walls, very much in the vicinity of my bed.

Sunny Vibes

It's probably the sunshine but still I wonder about the friendliness people are spreading recently. I have been much less my usual grumpy self. Two days ago I was empathic enough to muster a friendly smile and some stange utterings that for the untrained ear may pass for a language called French, simply to direct a stranger (driving an excessively pimped Mercedes too) towards the correct square, where he- as he so kindly explained- had a date with hies daughter plus fiancé. And also I saved a snail from certain death when I was washing lettuce the other day, though I might have saved the snail even when my mood was superdark.

In other news: not so sunny vibes. I'm still getting mixed signals. And I feel myself falling again. Falling all over whil I know, or should know that it can never be.

The Seven Year Itch

Two recently got together friends, have broken up. Two recently broken up friends got together. Two of my male friends are giving me mixed signals. Two friends of friends make my heart skip little beats. All this confuses me terribly.

Dragases

I am a mother again. Or rather, very soon I'll adopt a new kitty kitty. The black beauty has been nicked Dragases - for plenty and obvious reasons. The little bugger in question is the black blob on the right.

Beware: This blog may contain information about books.

I couldn't not post it, could I? Anyway, use with care should you come accross a book.

Whom to invite?

I love cooking (well duh!) and I love having guests for dinner, taking into account however the capacity of my kitchen and dinner table, I can't invite all of friends over at once= Big Problem.

I think I'm saying: if I haven't invited you yet, you're welcome for enchilladas this evening or couscous on tuesday. Just let me know.

Not geeky enough for you eh?

Yay! I'm not a geek. Although to prove that matter I may have to stop stumbling.49% Geek

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Quote #24

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Dorothy Parker, (attributed)
US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

Twittering

As you may or may not have noticed, there have been some changes on the left (yes THAT left). Also, as of today I have a twitter-account. I'm too lazy too explain, but don't be afraid to click links and your questions shall be answered.

El Tango de Roxanne

I may have posted this clip once or twice before, but I thinkgirls should be allowed to dream. And I do, most of the time.

Who's afraid of Virginia now?

Found while stumbling.

Tell me Quando Quando Quando

Not going to happen, is it? And by the way didn't they tell me this last year too?!

You'll Find a Boyfriend Within a Year

Either you're not ready for a relationship... Or you're not quite ready to leave the house You can't meet a guy from your couch So at least consider meeting one from your computer!

When Will You Meet Your Next Boyfriend?

At the End of the Day

Found around here. And pretty much how I feel. It was not a good day. And yet there was lasagne.

Let's fox it.

Whenever I am told to spread the word, I do so. And really, you're computer deserves better than internet explorer doesn't it?!

Not really really serious

Yesterday and the day before yesterday I saw two movies, respectively "Love Actually" and "Bend it like Beckham". I couldn't help but notice Keira Knightley looked remarkably well in both of them and that while I have resented being compard to her.

Combine this info with my lack of heartbreak over a guy I might have fancied. Ponder upon this.

I'm not turning gay, am I?

The Sweater: How it began

Many questions have been asked and -I fear- will be asked. So I will here relate the story in full (or as full as I want it generally known).

Sometime during october last, the most recent addition to our bunch of house occupiers welcomed in one of his (many) brothers at climbing ropes. A very love-to-cuddle looking member of the male species too. I did not see this person again untill late february-march, considering aforementioned house mate's absence for nearly four months, this is not so very surprising. Come march however this fine young man was invited for dinner, seemed to like it and was invited again and again. Some weeks back I suggested, he cook for me sometime. About two weeks ago as I was seeking shelter from rain in the library, this person hit me on the head with a book. Naturally I was not so amused- or so I would like you to believe, actually I quite like being hit on the head by handsome men. He whom we speak of however was still aware of the dinner invitation he owed me which works greatly in his favour. He spoke of arranging a date in the summer months, but lo! a mere two days later came an invitation for a bbq the following week, that being wednesday last. We chatted, we laughed, we ate, we played risk and when we took leave (i.e. were kicked out because the host wanted sleepy time) I was offered a sweater so I would not be cold on the way home.

And that's the story in it's entirety, no more question please.

18 rules

Hereabouts I found 18 for living according to the Dalai Lama. For those to lazy to click a bloody link I've also copied them here.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
   1. Respect for self
   2. Respect for others
   3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

The Sweater

It's nice enough to make other people cake, catch the right bus for once, attend a barbeque, get your mascara right, hit a guy on the head with a book, discover how great your new hair conditioner smells, insult men, play RISK or not have to beg for a goodnight kiss. But it's supersweet if someone offers you to lend a sweater so you won't be cold while waiting for the bus.

Chicken in love

Wow.

Just wow. This must be the closest anyone trying to describe it ever came.

And just for good measure, some Air Supply.

Uh? I used to love reatil therapy.

You're a Window Shopper!

You know that shopping's a blast, but you prefer to save your money You hardly ever give into an impulse buy, unless it's a total steal You've always got the most money of your friends - and you never have to borrow And you've got a nice wardrobe too ... of classic pieces that last years!

Do You Shop More Than Most Women?

I'm not really sure all of this is true. And I most definitely don't have the most money of all of my friends.

Compromise

You may also want to check out this link.

Why don't I write?

Tssk tssk.

Don't deny it. I can practically hear you say it. I don't have so very much time, but I have time. And inspiration. And yet this blog has been postless for two days.

Joyful words are burning on my tongue, as are sad thoughts, unrealistic plans for the future, mad ramblings, dress code doubts and more joyful words. And not so very much of all that is fit for publication but you may inquire after what the devil has has fared in me next we meet.

And now I'm of browsing the net for a nice little picture.

Bliss from Books

I have been known to shift moods in milliseconds. Many if not all of my readers have seen my mood darken in a heartbeat for no other reason than brightly shining sun. It will not surprise you that yesterday; I have been tired and frustrated, beat down by the weather, disappointed by a lack of bare massageable shoulders, intimidated by the angry looks a fellow librarylocated studiant shoots me and a wee tad blissful. Yes; blissful. Even I sometimes alter my mood for the better, though I doubt few of you may have seen this altered mood coming from being hit on the head with a book.

Rien ne changera

It's probably true.

Quote #23

"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch."

Leo Dworken

The Big Theory of Eating Meat

A dear and up until recently vegetarian friend of mine has this theory that one needs to either eat meat or have sex on a regular basis to avoid going completely Khazooboiiing (yes this is a word). Having had in recent months less and less opportunity to feast on dead animals, I think she might be right.

Boy am I frustrated.

Falling and falling

Often though not so very often before I have sung the praise of Wikihow, I may feel compelled to do so a lot more in the future if they keep giving the advice I have needed for so long, have been provided with by close friends but have up until now refused to listen to.

All by myself

Mooshy innit?



When I was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

Livin' alone
I think of all the friends I've known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody's home


All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
And loves so distant and obscure
Remains the cure

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never needed anyone
Making love was just for fun
Those days are gone

All by myself
Don't wanna be
All by myself
Anymore
All by myself
Don't wanna live
Oh
Don't wanna live
By myself, by myself
Anymore
By myself
Anymore
Oh
All by myself
Don't wanna live
I never, never, never
Needed anyone

Don't even think of using your right hand

Warning: Masturbating may have serious effects. Oh hell just click the bloody link, will you!

Birthday Wishlist

I spent most of yesterday wondering whether it was really so hard to see that sometimes all one needs is a hug. In view of that here's a list of what I want come september 18.

• pair of kisses
• 1 cuddly hug
• 1 marriage proposal
• throwing axe
• 10-week course in throwing axes
• 2 bottles of medicin against heartache
• some courage to confide a secret

A Whole Nude World

I just had to post it, sit it out and you'll know I'm right.

Let me eat cake

You Are a Red Velvet Cake

Rich, decadent, and sensual. You have a deep appeal that transcends all trends. You are the definition of passion: intense, adventurous, and seductive.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

Cuddly

I don't know what it is. I should be panicking. I should be stressing. I should be sad. Knowing the dynamics of my life I should be in tears, but none of that I feel sort of happy and also the unfightable distinctive urge to cuddle.

Click Click

Urgent or not so urgent newsflash: my photo blog Clickety is now also to be reached via Verve Earth. Check for yourself what it is they do, I'm too lazy to explain.

Quotes #19, #20, #21 and #22

Yes it's that time of the year again.

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides."

David Viscott, How to Live with Another Person, 1974

"There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love."

Christopher Morley
US author & journalist (1890 - 1957)

"If you have it [Love], you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."

Sir James M. Barrie

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments: love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds."

William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

You HAVEN'T got mail

Frustated and tired as I was from studying and tidyind and telling men what to do (the last bit I'm just kidding, I love telling men what to do) I became even more frustrated when I picked up the mail. Three contracts and a bus license renewal reminder, not exactly ringing my bell, but just the same it reminded me that I haven't gotten a letter in months. And there is very little that I like less than not being written to. Causing e to become even more frustrated, naturally I planned a little blogpost on how everyone that even from afar considers me to be his/her friend has the moral obligation to send me letters detailing on my perfections. However as my number three favourite house mate promised I would find a rune-inscribed slip of parchment on my doorstep tomorrow, it may not be neccesary.

Getting Invites

Everyone with a FaceBook account knows of the horror called 'invite your friends'. This is not the sort of invite I am waiting for. Au contraire. This weekend, desperate for a dinner invite from a -preferably cute- young man, I bought a new top (deep emerald green silk) and new slippers ( matching green), so that should the unthinkable happen at least I need not worry what to wear. So fond however I have grown of the image that I sort of co-erce young men into inviting me. To my surprise the answer was not all shock and rejection.Let's see where it leads, shall we?!

No drive

Hereabouts I found the following. It need not be said, I fully agree.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Dream on

It doesn't really matter what I plan or want or hope for myself. Fate or random bad luck or my expertise at screwing up, but it always goes wrong, I don't even manage to order the right things in bars, let alone organising my life. Well don't feel sorry, don't pat me on the back, don't ask. relatively soon I'l be well enough to pass for normal.

Edit: but normal or melancholic, I really should make more of a habit out of spell checks.

Mutter

I know there's already a youtube clip featuring Rammstein on this page but, it's mother's day. And I couldn't think of any song about mothers that I like better, even though my mother will hate it. That's probably the reason I never gave her the address of this blog.

Quote #18

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

Oscar Wilde

Emile

Our newest house mate. Until there arises more certainty on it's gender his/her name is Emile. And envy moi until forever.(S)He is übercute as this picture may prove.

Yesterday

Wake up, have nice conversation about hobbit cooking, drink tea, wave at beloved sister, walk to university, join election commitee for the validation of the student's club board I am now part of next's members, lullop on facebook, check mail, lullop on facebook a little more, go grocery shopping fix vegetables for BBQ, BBQ, be given massage oil, massage, swan song cantus*, enjoying summer eveninglike vibe at the central stairs of your faculty, massage some more, stop yourself one inch short of falling in love**, misdirect a stranger, walk home along the river crisscrossing your -for the time being- favourite place on earth, sip a cup of tea before going to bed, read the morning papers and fall asleep knowing your actually maybe very much already on the path of losing yourself and your heart again**.

Yesterday my troubles really really really seemed very far away.



* I don't even want to begin explaining this, so please please please; don't ask.
** It here concerns two different people.

Angry Young Woman

You Are 66% Angry

You're a pretty angry person, although you might not describe yourself that way. But if you think about it, you probably feel annoyed, frustrated, and disappointed often. All of the emotions above are classic signs of anger. And if these angry feelings are controlling your life, you may need help.

How Angry Are You?

Bold Planning

It was bold-I admit, very bold- to be simply announcing I was going to seduce a man, (A friend of a friend to be precise) and of course by now I've found out it's not going to work. Mainly because I'm not in love.

May 1

My heart too beats left, my blood too is red.

Devotee

I have been named 'devoted' merely because I take time to write letters. Even when there is no hope of gettig letters back or when there is nothing to say that I could not also say in a four word text message. Is it so very wrong to assume people are happy to get letters? Isn't it good to know someone made an effort to communicate? Wouldn't you love to get a real letter, written in real ink with real emotions in between the lines?

Probably not. Or I'd have thought someone would take the trouble to write me every now and then.

Essentials in vampire movies.

• doctors saying : " it is nothing serious she'll soon recover"
  
• strange camera angles
• men with sideburns
• women faking orgasms
• ugly servants with very high tight collars
  

Bathroom habits

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do. Your idea of fashion is jeans and a t-shirt. Clean, if you're lucky. You are a little shy and easily embarrassed. You often wonder if you are normal. In relationships, you tend to be very romantic and demanding. You'll treat your partner like gold, but you expect a lot in return.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Suicide Note I

Excuse-me-je

Maybe I am wrong.*

This does not prove you infallable. This does not excuse the presumption that I make up quotes as I go along, that all my arguments are unfounded and that my interpretation will always be inferior to yours. Nor is it ground for the arrogant disdain with which you assume that I would not be able-let alone inclined- to admit that I was wrong.

* Here meaning: checking and double-chacking have proven me so.

The Window

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour a day to drain the fluids from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon when the man in the bed next to the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed would live for those one-hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the outside world. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake, the man had said. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Lovers walked arm in arm amid flowers of every color of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band, he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Unexpectedly, an alien thought entered his head: Why should he have all the pleasure of seeing everything while I never get to see anything? It didn't seem fair. As the thought fermented, the man felt ashamed at first. But as the days passed and he missed seeing more sights, his envy eroded into resentment and soon turned him sour. He began to brood and found himself unable to sleep. He should be by that window - and that thought now controlled his life.

Late one night, as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the dimly lit room as the struggling man by the window groped for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room, he never moved, never pushed his own button which would have brought the nurse running. In less than five minutes, the coughing and choking stopped, along with the sound of breathing. Now, there was only silence--deathly silence.

The following morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths. When she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and called the hospital attendant to take it away--no words, no fuss. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look. Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

Unknown author

Regatta

For some reason or other my university organised a regatta. Apart from the sunshine, the athletic males in tight sports outfit, the pleasant company and the excitement, I also enjoyed it because I won a prize. In the on-shore rowing machine thingy competion for girls I became third (very likely because only three girls competed) and am now the happy owner of a Ghent University T-shirt.

All Hail The Gerbil King

How arrogance cures heartache

I was not well. In fact I felt terrible. But if the reward of honesty and concern is to be called and inconsiderate bitch, I am cured of any sympathy rather quickly. Now that you no longer wish to see me, have a very nice solitary life.

One small step from despair to a broken heart.

First there was despair as I felt myself falling in love again. Then the accusation that women merely have to bump into a guy and he be putty wax in our smaal and delicate hands. A little later confusion, as I grow certain that I am in love I start to doubt who it is that I'm in love with. And today, a little message puts me off completely. I really didn't know it could hurt so much to read 'I love you' on a screen and even less had I any notion of much it would hurt to say - let alone realise- 'I can't love you back'.

How it breaks one's heart to hurt and then to lose a friend. I wish I had never known.

Singing

I sing at only three occasions: when I or everybody around me is so drunk nobody cares, when I'm utterly and completely happy and stirring in a giant pan of delicious whatever or when I'm unhappy enough not to notice I'm singing out loud. Here's an exerpt:

"I don't want to talk about it,
how you broke my heart
but if I stay here just a little bit longer
if I stay here won't you listen to my heart"

You may answer on artist and songtitle yourselves in comments. I can't remember.

Independance Day

Yesterday, the wonderfull town in which I am happy to live and walk around miserably declared its independace. And so for a little while I've walked the streets a a free citizen of city state Ghent. Here's a link for those who speak Dutch and some video's for everyone else.

I don't have a headache;

For everybody who thinks the title statement makes as much sense as an independent city state Ghent: you all know I've been more or less sober since mid-October and some of you have a notion of exactly how much whisky I've drunk very early this morning. I really shouldn't make it an easter holiday tradition.

"Why not?" is not the right question.

If I were completely feelingless -which (thank evilness) I am, I could find joy in now counting every shade of relationshipness from just hooked up to just broke up in a relatively close circle of friends. But why? Do tell me why, must every pilar of faith, every example of everburning love, every hope be torn down, broken, undone and given up?!

What september means

Another internet thingy telling me what my birth month means, probably a scandalous rip-off, but judge for yourself, and do comment.

♥ SEPTEMBER

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand.

Love Profile

Virgo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits: You're incredibly thoughtful and able to give your partner what they need most. You are totally logical. You can deal with problems without involving your emotions. A good work ethic. You'll do whatever it takes (within reason) to make your relationship work. Your negative traits: Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults. Your ideal partner: Values success in life as much as you do Fits a checklist of qualities you've been looking for since childhood Like you, is more practical and realistic than romantic Your dating style: Active. You're a bit hyper, so you'd prefer a date that involved rollerblading in the park or hiking. Your seduction style: You may seem a bit shy, but once you open up to someone - you're totally uninhibited You like to set the scene first - candles, music, nice sheets A bit obsessed with cleanliness, you may want to shower first with your love Tips for the future: Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time. Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late. Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated. Best color to attract mate: Navy blue Best day for a date: Wednesday

What's Your Love Profile?

Bugrit. Or in other words: Ain't gonna happen.

Dig this.

Since I've escaped from my parents music taste this man plus band has been one of my favourites. Very ugly moustache though!

Conspiring

A conspiracy of bus drivers I call it. But the people of the public transport tickets and information boot are equally at fault; not once, not twice but an astonishingly three times out of three times that I ventured to take public transport in order to travel around the city I was-willfully- misled as to which tram or bus route I was to take and at which stop I was to descend. Once more proof that the entire world plots against me, and usually plots my utter unhappiness.

Origami Bird

I should publish this, even if it was just for the sound track.

Let the motherfucker burn.

It's been in my head for nearly 24 hours, time for something else I'd say.

"Fire Water Burn"- Bloodhoud Gang

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.

Hello my name is Jimmy Pop and I'm a dumb white guy,
I'm not old or new but middle school fifth grade like junior high,
I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin' give props to my ho cause she all fly,
But I can take the heat cause I'm the other white meat known as 'Kid Funky Fried',
Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye,
But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine,
Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie,
I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.

Yo yo this hard-core ghetto gangster image takes a lot of practice,
I'm not black like Barry White no I am white like Frank Black is,
So if man is five and the devil is six than that must make me seven,
This honkey's gone to heaven,
But if I go to hell then I hope I burn well,
I'll spend my days with J.F.K., Marvin Gaye, Martha Raye, and Lawrence Welk,
And Kurt Cobain, Kojak, Mark Twain and Jimi Hendrix's poltergeist,
And Webster yeah Emmanuel Lewis cause he's the anti-christ,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.

Everybody here we go,
Ohh Ohh,
C'mon party people,
Ohh Ohh,
Throw your hands in the air,
Ohh Ohh,
C'mon party people,
Ohh Ohh,
Wave 'em like you don't care,
Ohh Ohh,
C'mon party people,
Ohh Ohh,
Everbody say ho,
Ohh Ohh,
C'mon party people,
Ohh Ohh,
Everybody here we go.