This is (not) the end

Recently a certain someone with whom I feel very connected made an end to his/her blog. I was very sorry for although I know next to nothing about him/her I usually thought about the person as a friend if not as a kindred soul. And it made me think. Why do I keep this blog? Why do I write altogether it serves but this purpose to let everyone I love know that I am unhappy for reasons they can never understand in full depth.

Thus I hurt myself even more by causing them pain.

I wish this was THE END. But that would just be too easy, wouldn't it?

Hurt by Kermit

Comforting

I have great experience in comforting. People are always telling me to cheer up, to look on the bright side, to cry it all out and start anew. Patting me on the back, hugging, force-feeding me chocolate. It's the fact they care (or pretend to) that somewhat cheers me never the words or the gestures. I often think or rather wish that I would be better at it, that I when faced with the despair of another would have the empathy it takes to lift his/her spirit.

But today, all I can think of is to pick up the phone, ask her to come over, offer to provide supper and a shoulder to cry on, suggest a short time away from it all, tell her to get a grip as so often she has told me. It doesn't matter I'm going through a similar phase, it helps nothing that I too am hurt. I can only feel as helpless as when it is I that needs comforting.

D&D : Ashlyn Silverskin of Impiltur R.I.P.

Only just had I introduced her to you or it falls on me to announce the death of Miss Paladin. I must be frank with you. I never liked her. I hated having to be her but when the giant ice worm spew a cone of ice, I think I felt the blood drain from my heart. I felt weak, helpless, angry, sad, devastated and lost. She is dead. I can still hardly believe it. I hear the mumbling of my rational self, "Good Riddance" echoes through the hollowness of my head, but I am in mourn. She is dead. Dead. And never to return.

Almost Happy

In facto I already am, but it is also true that I could be even more happy so here are the lyrics to a tune that isn't happy at all.*

K's Choice - Almost Happy
If I could look beyond your face
And photograph your hidden place
Would I find you smiling in the picture

I don’t know what you want
Because you don’t know,
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

Far too many ways to go
We learn so much but never know
Where to look
Or when we should stop looking

I can love the whole of you.
The poetry I stole from you
And hide inside my stomach

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

It’s easy to get lost in you
And fall asleep inside of you
I want to return to you
A reason to be here
A reason to be here

No I don’t know what you want
And you don’t know
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

* I am known for my weird logic, do not expect reasonability** from me.
** And yes, I did just invent that word also. Bite me.***
*** Please please please take this literally.

Here are the keys

A song, me and my elder sister have in mind a lot these days. I realise very few of my out-landish readers speak let alone understand French, but it's the best I can do at finding a song that describes how I feel. Don't shake your heads and think me weak. I shall be well again, I shall forget, I shall be myself and he shall be nothing, but right now I'm just a little sad. Even when it is best for you, it's not easy saying goodbye to love.

VOICI LES CLÉS
Gérard Lenorman


Voici les clés pour le cas où tu changerais d'avis
A ta santé, à tes amours, à ta folie
Je vais tenir mes rêves au chaud et le champagne au froid
Car je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas les dix-huit mois de Nicolas.
Voici les clés ne les perd pas sur le pont des soupirs
Elles sont en or on ne sait jamais ça peut servir
Ne t'en fais pas j'ai ce qu'il faut on n'est jamais perdant
Quand on aime
J'ai tes bouquins et ton petit chien, eux sont contents
Voici les clés de ton bonheur il n'attend plus que toi
Appelle-moi si par bonheur elles n'ouvraient pas
Na na na...
Tu sais toujours où me trouver moi je ne bouge pas
Moi je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas la communion de Nicolas.

Pas de chance j'allais t'emmener en Italie
En voyage d'amour
Pas de chance moi je t'aime aussi
Et depuis bien plus longtemps que lui

Na na na...
Voici les clés de ton bonheur il n'attend plus que toi
Na na na...
Tu sais toujours où me trouver moi je ne bouge pas
Moi je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas l'anniversaire de Nicolas.

Voici les clés pour le cas où tu changerais d'avis
A ta santé, à tes amours, à ta folie
Na na na...
Je vais tenir mes rêves au chaud et le champagne au froid
Car je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas l'anniversaire de Nicolas
Voici les clés ne les perd pas sur le pont des soupirs
Elles sont en or on ne sait pas ça peut servir
Na na na ...

Quote #4

Learning by experience often is painful- and the more it hurts, the more you learn.

Ralph Banks

Ailment

Don't bother me. I don't feel like it. You know what ails me and it's nothing. I'll live.