Happy Birthday

To a very fun personal coach (who has turned 21) and this blog (which is now 1 year old).

The happiest day of 2006...

... should have been today. Today when I should have been holding my godson in my arms. Fate decided otherwise, immoral as I am I have not been mourning today but I've been preparing for a bbq tomorrow. I've got the clothes (selected carefully from my newly improved wardrobe by Beibei), the food ( bought specially for me by daddy), the massage oil and the mood. The best day of 2006: let's make it tomorrow.

Edit: And so it was that July 28 will forever be remembered as the day that brought hope to my heart.

Plan D, E and so forth

There is very little left to say, me and somebody are going to have a little chat one of these days and I hope that we'll be cool then. Friends and no more then friends. It'll be though but I'll live ( and get over it as somebody else keeps reminding me).

So one down, one to go and now at least I know how to act. Joy. (Sarcasm? Moi?)

Men are blind

Men are blind. This has been my firmest conviction and I have yet to find a woman who disagrees so it must be true. But if they are, then how blind am I? If two eyes can but see this much I might as well stab them out.

National Anthem

O dierbaar België,
o heilig land der Vadren,
onze ziel en ons hart zijn U gewijd.
Aanvaard ons kracht en bloed van ons adren,
wees ons doel in arbeid en in strijd.
Bloei, o land, in eendracht niet te breken;
wees immer U zelf en ongeknecht.
Het woord getrouw dat ge onbevreesd moogt spreken.
Voor Vorst, voor vrijheid en voor recht.
Het woord getrouw dat ge onbevreesd moogt spreken.
Voor Vorst, voor vrijheid en voor recht.
Voor Vorst, voor vrijheid en voor recht.
Voor Vorst, voor vrijheid en voor recht.

Noble Belgique, à jamais terre chérie,
A toi nos coeurs, à toi nos bras.
Par le sang pur répondu pour toi, patrie,
Nous le jurons d'un seul cri: tu vivras.
Tu vivras, toujours grande et belle,
Et ton invincible unité,
Aura pour devise immortelle:
Le Roi, la Loi, La liberté.
Aura pour devise immortelle:
Le Roi, la Loi, La liberté.
Le Roi, la Loi, La liberté.
Le Roi, la Loi, La liberté.

Should have been posted yesterday as it was then our National Holiday.

Weathertype

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerousPeople will stop and watch you when you appearEven though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

One Woman Less

My collegue job student, E., apart from me the only woman in our working spot, has given up. Which means I'm alone from now on. Oh how I shall miss her love 'advice', her style, her laughs and her companionship. Like the plague, like cholera, like cancer I shall miss her.

For being the only woman has such advantages, men turn into gentlemen when there is a woman to care for. One get bought drinks and rice cakes and offered health advice. Surely they would never tell the male jobstudent "to be aware of spraying soap on the windows, the fumes eat your lungs away and we would not be the first on that workfloor to die of cancer "( a fact which is positively non-related to smoking 35 cigarettes a day). And once again my breasts get undiverted attention. Joy.

Plan C

There is something I have to confess; somewhere between the plotting and the posting of plan B, there came plan C. Not a worst case scenario, not a plan to make absolutely sure he'd chose me, nothing like it. Quite the contrary. Plan C means taking a step back, finally admit that I am not in love with a man but with two.


In the detailed script of plan C there are notes about making a choice. The mind strongly opposes the man I've been describing to you but the hands that ran down his back would never let him go. And the heart is in doubt between head and hands.

Reconnected

Though the heart be heavy, there is light in this world; the internet connection at my student's room has been repaired. Joy be me.

Plan B

5 consecutive posts not about my lovesickness, people that know me too little might think I'm cured. Rest assured dear reader, I tend to stretch my misery unto extreme limits.

Some time ago I told all of you about plan A and it has worked well so far. Except that the feelings grow stronger and just being his friend might not be good enough for me anymore. Time for plan B; become godesslike and win his heart for me.

Hopeless, but I'm funny that way. Hopeless is exactly how I like it.

Lacking Subtility

A note to one person in particular, though I realise it is rather stupid to mention it here and only here; he doens't read this blog.

Giving a girl the poems you wrote during high school, is not a subtle way of telling her how you feel. Telling her how you plan your wedding is even less so.

Little dots of light

I confess. I obsessively classify people into categories. Not simply friends/family/collegues/people I don't like, no not for me. It's People I know/People I know and like/Family I see on a regular basis/ Family I see on a regular basis and still like/ Friends/ Penfriends that write often/ Penfriends that I know well enough to be calling them friends etc. The list is not endless but long enough for me to realise I mustn't bore you by putting it all down.
There is also a subclassification for friends; rays of sunlight, clouds and stars. To some people this may seem to be information best kept for myself, personally I would like at least all people that fit into any of the above categories to know about it. Even if it were only to avoid having to say 'good friend, best friend, better friend', among my friends all are equal, which means I like any of them as much as the next. Then why categorise you might wonder. Simple. Stars are the people that make me happy, simply by being in my neighbourhood, coulds are those people who' ve succeeded in cheering me up though I was a little downor even severely depressed, rays of sunlight are people who've seen and heard me cry, who've seen me at my worst and when they saw me cheered me up with a smile. The little dots of light of my life.

Hallucinations

I have a holiday job. So far no news. The weather is hot. Still nothing new. Put the two together and I start to hallucinate. Everywhere I look I seem to see people that I know, when they are within hearing distance I even shout out their names sometimes only to find out, one embarrassing second later that the person I was shouting to wasn't a former teacher/ friend of a friend/ ex-boyfriend of a girl in the neighbourhood but a total stranger. Well it's got to be the heath ( I am spelling this wrong on purpose, don't ask why, please don't). Or maybe the soapy water they make me spray on windows in order to clean them. Simply the stench of the foul liquid is enough to blow one's mind out, hallucination would be a milder symptom then.

Edit: some examples of people I confuse(d)
random train passenger- a friend's brother
mechanic at my holliday job- our professor Japanese
the son of a holliday job collegue- Moritz Bleibtreu
random train passenger- my sister's boyfriend
train mechanic- assitant teacher Chinese
random pedestrian- my former English teacher

Bruce to the rescue

It's often surprising how the little things make us happy. I saved a ladybird today. For some odd reason that made me happy. I don't know why. It took five bloody minute for the damn thing to crawl from the dirty dusty concrete train station stairs on my generously offerded index finger. And as soon I positioned myself vertically, meanig to move the precious bug to greener environments by walking towards a strategically placed pot of miniature jungle, the little bugger thinks it's necessary to fall of my hand on my shoe. Needing to tie my shoelaces anyway I placed my foot on the rim of a gigantic ornametal vase, from the tip of my toes the red and black beatle crept onto a leaf of what I can only describe as a fernlike sort of grass. I hope it likes it there. I really hope it does.

Magdalena and Andreas

The decision is made. Next year Magdalena and Andreas will not come back to Ghent with me. The fishtank that has been their home for nearly two years and where at one time four little fish had space aplenty is now too small to fit the two of them comfortably. Alas. With the reluctancy of a mother who sends her youngest child to school I will set my most loved ones free in the wild uncaring cold cruel world that is our garden pond.

The fishtank, with it's plastic castle and white duck will welcome four newcomers, Natanaël, Simon, Thomas and Simon Petrus. It might take some time before I get used to their company. But we'll be fine. After all Schloss Otto is a desirable dwelling for any pet and Mozes is likeable enough.

I'll have to say I love you in a song - Jim Croce

Well, I know it's kind of late

I hope I didn't wake you

But what I got to say can't wait

I know you'd understand

Ev'ry time I tried to tell you

The words just came out wrong

So I'll have to say I love you in a song

Yeah, I know it's kind of strange

But ev'ry time I'm near you

I just run out of things to say

I know you'd understand

Ev'ry time I tried to tell you

The words just came out wrong

So I'll have to say I love you in a song

Ev'ry time the time was right

All the words just came out wrong

So I'll have to say I love you in a song

Yeah, I know it's kind of late

I hope I didn't wake you

But there's something that I just got to say

I know you'd understand

Ev'ry time I tried to tell you

The words just came out wrong

So I'll have to say I love you in a song

what more can I add to that? every day, every hour, every moment preceding a moment when I'll see it is my firmest determination to tell him, but I can't

dying would be a lot easier and possibly less painful, but of course I shouldn't say that, what mustn't he think of me.

Ganbatte Kudasai

A Japanese expression which I would rather litterally translate as 'Please exhaust yourself'. According to context it is also used as 'Good Luck!' or ' Do your best!' It were the words of my Japanese studying friends when hearing I started a holidayjob yesterday. Well I'll do my best, but I'll needn't exhaust myself. My collegues seem to agree that easy goes along way. And with this heath, who am I to disagree?

Song and Dance

There's a band playing Irish folk, there's little girls and boys making up their own stories about cowboys, dragons, astronauts, time travellers, princesses and fairies, there's mom and dad, aunts and uncles, my sister and her significant other, there is dancing and drinking, there is village sized bbq, the sun is setting, the weather is hot but not burning, people talk and people sing. What more could we want?


A quiet corner, a book and a shoulder to cry on spring to mind.

Home

For a short while I say goodbye to the city. Goodbye to eveningwalks along the rivers and late-open icecream merchants, goodbye to seeing friends everyday, goodbye to sweaty libraries and going crazy. Goodbye because I go home, where the sun shines, where the flowers bloom, where fish swim happily in the pond, where I see my family everyday, where I sit in the garden and read books, most of all home, where my room is and where my heart isn't torn between love or friendship. It's good to touch the freshmown lawn of home.