What now....?

I may have forgot to add 'my love' in the title  of this blogpost, but it isn't really love that bothers me. I know who I am not in love with. And I know who will break my heart soon enough without me speeding up the process by overthinking it all.

It is more friendship that ails me. 

One friend claims she doesn't blame me. But it seems undenieble that my doings, my rashly undertaken actions, my stupid stupid stupid belief it would be for the best made her feel hurt and betrayed, and I cannot blame myself enough.

Another friend, I wish I could see everyday and yet somehow we barely manage to see eachother once a week. I find it terrible and yet what can I do? Besides keeping her always on my mind?!

And the last, though maybe the one I might have to worry about least, in fact I am certain that she will say I worry to much but every day I feel like I fail her simply for not being able to offer her the support and comfort she deserves.

And so three darling friends are slipping through my fingers. Possible very well possible I'm exagerating but well, one mustn't deny one's feelings.