As such I have joined/founded a new religion and here are its commandments:
- Thou shalt eat chocolate.
- Thou shalt drink alcohol.
- Thou shalt bake cake and pie.
- Thou shalt forswear rom-com.
- Thou shalt be free to cry whenever you bloody like.
- Thou shalt support thine sisters who suffer as you do.
- Thou shalt not speak highly of men.
- Thou shalt look good, feel good, be good.
Very hardcore followers are welcome to also adopt the Ninth commandment: Thou shalt involve in lesbian sex. As it turns out that lesbian sex is highly lust triggering to men it is not wholly orthodox.
Edit: Just so that it may be clear: the fourth commandment means that all followers on pain of ex-communication will abstain from reading, writing, seeing and listening to any form of art whatsoever that proposes the one man-one woman happy ever after relationship as the only means of leading a fulfilling and worthwhile life (be it prose, poetry, drama, film, opera, architecture, performance, music, painting or any form of expression that I may have overlooked).
Edit #2: As suggested in the comments; Commandment n° 10. Thou shalt not impose hierarchy. Which means Browni-ists shall comfort all that are fed up with men. Unless they're gay because a) they're men themselves b) they understand women but c) are not available hence making them the worst kind of men alive. And also that being dumped by 5 billion men gives you any more right to be pitied (au contraire if you've been dumped by 5 billion men you're downright stupid you could have known after being dumped once that men are no good safe as sperm donors) or that baking more and better chocolate pies means you can dictate others how to deal with their grief.
4 comments:
what does the 4th command mean?
The ten commandment should be: Though shall not implement any form of hierarchy, since all lovesick, binge eating sisters are equal
(Some, however, are more equal than others; they are able to make brownies, whilst onthers are only fit for cutting hair and other useless stuff that needs to be done;-))
Maybe this comment will lead to a schizm in Browni-ism, but I do welcome gay men to our convent. Usually they cut hair really well and you can banter endlessly with them about shoes, ice cream flavours, romantic comedies and other highly important stuff that non-queer men (*shivers*) just don't care about
I wouldn't go as far as to announce a schism just yet, though I am strongly in favour of the ten commandments as I have proposed them any follower is free to interpret as she wishes.
After all; how many Christians have killed, painted god, slept with someone else's men/wife, etc?
As long as you have trouble with men and find comfort in chocolate, feel free to join.
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