Finally, finally the answer has come, 263 days too late, but as I turned on my computer just now, after troublesome weeks of trying to 'accept', the answer bumped into my head. And more then ever I could hate myself.
You said: "It isn't me... ?"
And I said: "No. Not you." But I should have said: "It is you, and also somebody else."
And now there isn't a somebody else any more, but there's still you.
Note to somebody or rather a few somebodies: I'm not going to do anything you might call stupid. I will be well again. I owe it to myself. If I am the only one to see how handsome, cute, intelligent, funny, attractive he is, then he probably isn't all that attractive.
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