Zen

It is a strange fact that I can be completely Zen about failing exams or even failing to show up on exams, but haven't yet learned to deal with losing simple boardgames.

Sipping Tea

I just spend the most pleasurable hour of the day in the company of a friend and a thermos of tea on 'our' bench along a river/canal called Coupure in my favourite town but one. Life tastes good if there's Rose hip-Chewing gum tea in your flask.

Quote #6

One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.

Edward Abbey

Happy Birthday

Two girls that I don't know so very well but well enough to deserve my attention celebrate their birthday this week. I'm already late for one of them and too early to be on the dot for the other* but nonetheless I hope they like this song.



* the prettier half of this duo

Social life

I wonder if anybody else ever noticed a significant increase in social obligations at times when absolute quiet and 26h days would be the better option in terms of getting some work done?

Not that I mind being invited to birthday dinners and D&D sessions, I don't mind eating at student restrooms if it means seeing a friend that I would otherwise not see for weeks, I very much enjoy evenings at the cinema and even more so when I'm accompanied by people I'm fond of but nonetheless I have complaints, why can none of this happen when actually have time for it?

Tattoo

You Should Get An All Over Tattoo

Outrageous and funky Because you should never have to choose just one tattoo

What Tattoo Should You Get?

Star Wars Horoscope

Star Wars Horoscope for Virgo

You show efficiency when working for a good cause. But you tend to be a bit fussy when it comes to doing something out of the ordinary. Like many Virgos, you want to stay out of the spotlight. You do well at picking up the smallest details. Star wars character you are most like: C3P0

What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Oh no, we're all doomed!

Luke, I am your father!

*hangs head, guilt aware* Yes I have been watching Star Wars again.

Cutthroat

And that probably explains why I never get what I want.

You Aren't Cutthroat

You definitely have ambitions and drive, but you also have integrity. You'll get where you want to in life, and you'll do it the right way. For you, the ends never justify the means.

Are You Cutthroat?

Reason

There is no reason in love and hate. Once the more I have been made aware of it today. Or rather in the past 24 hours. The full effects are filtering through the anaesthetising o.d. of Mexican- Chili hot chocolate milk.

Quote #5

I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy.

Franz Kafka
Austrian (Czechoslovakian-born) author (1883 - 1924)

Why is it that it's always men who know how to say something so true, so beautifully?

That's so not fair!

And it's also not true. Everybody knows I turn into a self-centred unfeeling bitch when I'm angry enough to make the actual effort of arguing/fighting over my point.

You Mostly Fight Fair

When you fight, you tend to remember your end goal of resolving conflict. However, you can get a little too wrapped up in your own feelings. Remember that there are two sides to every argument. And even if you think you're totally right, you should take more time to hear your partner out.

Do You Fight Fair?

Defeat

It would be grave neglect from my side to only inform you when all is well. You must know also when I am in a grave state so that you may know how to fathom my sadness should we next meet. And I lost at Trivial Pursuit again. Again. Twice in a mere month. A grave sign of darker times to come indeed.

Side note: The word 'grave' is now mentioned four times in this post. A lurking death wish?

Subway Sandwich

Me and my love coach, we love Subway sandwiches. In happy moods like today we'd even be inclined to say we love Subway, even if by accident or wilful mishearing my order I get a small single cheese veggie sandwich instead of the veggie salad I asked for.

Lessons from Google Analytics

Google Analytics teaches me that 76,04% of people that found this blog after a Google Search were looking for 'Fixkes'. I find this rather curious as my last post that had anything to do with the group dates from about a month ago. However as this gives me motive for a new blogpost, the excuse for a picture and the opportunity of swooning over the lead singer's beautiful eyes, I'm not complaining. Anyway as I don't want to disappoint the people on a quest; a click on the picture will take anybody interested to their site.

Frauen regier'n die Welt

Very reluctantly I agree with men, and even less eager when it happens to be a ESC finalist, but he's quite right. Or he should be.

Unite, unite Europe*

Apparently I missed the semi-finals of this years' Eurovision Song Contest. Which is great cause for happiness. Chips and chili sauce, a new character AND not having to watch this (see below) sort of television, cause for joy and cheering indeed.



* Don't ask from what depths that traumatic memory came.

Spiderman III

Totally EMO. Like. Totally.



Let's move on to Pirates of the Caribbean III, Shrek III and inadequate lover III. Or uhm maybe not that last one.

And the Lord said... - II

"Let there be light."

adopt your own virtual pet!

And the Lord said...

"Read the Brick Testament." Or something like it.

D&D : Ashlyn Silverskin of Impiltur R.I.P.

Only just had I introduced her to you or it falls on me to announce the death of Miss Paladin. I must be frank with you. I never liked her. I hated having to be her but when the giant ice worm spew a cone of ice, I think I felt the blood drain from my heart. I felt weak, helpless, angry, sad, devastated and lost. She is dead. I can still hardly believe it. I hear the mumbling of my rational self, "Good Riddance" echoes through the hollowness of my head, but I am in mourn. She is dead. Dead. And never to return.

When love and death embrace

Solely for the benefit of my most trusted adviser aka the White Princess. Which she cannot fail to appreciate because of course there's Ville Valo.

Glod Glodson Hammerstein

I introduce to you, Glod Glodson Hammerstein, son of Glod Friedrichson Hammerstein, a fair skinned, red haired dwarven cleric of chaotic good alignment whose chosen God is Pelor. Orphaned at the age of 37 he was mainly brought up at the temple. Because of his recklessness he was sent on a mission to the land of people by his unforgiving temple elders. He is now 2 years above ground and has yet to learn to appreciate human beer in most other respects however he has adapted to the 'big' lands. He is beyond measure loyal to friends but would never name anyone such save his trusted waraxe Hrgklagn (meaning 'Orcslayer') a family heirloom and his donkey Balder.

Football*

What did I spy with my little eye? Here. You may read this for yourselves, and think me in grave need of comfort. If you hear nothing of me by this evening look for my name in the obituaries, I don't think I can live with the shame.

* Called soccer in one or two countries worldwide but I can't be bothered with that.

New Zealand

It's the country of my dreams. And when casting but a glimpse on the picture on your right, you'll have no difficulty understanding why. How I long to be off. And how I long for someone to be off with me. Just my luck to fall in love with the wrong men and the wrong countries.

Kissing AND Telling

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Spiderman

"I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?"

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

So many attractive men, and they give me Tobey Maguire. Just my luck.

Hypothesis II

The hearing and even more so the making of the sound "Wiiiiiiiiiiie" causes happiness.

It is as indicated by the title of this post only a hypothesis. In my experience "Wiiiiiiiiiiie" and being happy come together in 93% of the cases. I have yet to determine whether "Wiiiiiiiie" provokes the happy feeling, is an indication of it, results from it or prolongs it.

Edit: The same goes for poking. Too bad I don't have any midget-sized friends so 'accidentally' poking someone's eye out isn't achievable.

Almost Happy

In facto I already am, but it is also true that I could be even more happy so here are the lyrics to a tune that isn't happy at all.*

K's Choice - Almost Happy
If I could look beyond your face
And photograph your hidden place
Would I find you smiling in the picture

I don’t know what you want
Because you don’t know,
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

Far too many ways to go
We learn so much but never know
Where to look
Or when we should stop looking

I can love the whole of you.
The poetry I stole from you
And hide inside my stomach

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

It’s easy to get lost in you
And fall asleep inside of you
I want to return to you
A reason to be here
A reason to be here

No I don’t know what you want
And you don’t know
So what’s the point of asking

You’re almost happy
Almost content
But your head hurts

* I am known for my weird logic, do not expect reasonability** from me.
** And yes, I did just invent that word also. Bite me.***
*** Please please please take this literally.

Urges

We all have them. Urges. Those feelings you know you shouldn't give into. Those little day-to-day battles you can't afford to lose. And I know plenty of it because on a regular day I fight tears and injustice, hunger and pain and rage, cold bloodthirsty rage. 'Tis a grave sign indeed when the only urge I'm suppressing is one that would have me humming a tune to the pace of my skipping steps on the city streets.

I've always known this

You Are 84% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

The people's flag...

... is actually a red T-shirt.

I lost at Trivial Pursuit

It could have been the beginning of a B- rate novel, but for me it is the sad truth. Do not believe that I am unhappy BECAUSE I lost, however unreasonable I may be, I am not so enough to expect always to win (especially not when the men present conspire against me). Rather it is so that all periods of moderate happiness ( however short) must end sometime and losing sounds very much as the death toll of in balanceness. Or maybe the welcoming drum for gloom. Whichever you prefer.

Carmex

It is a well known fact that lip balm isn't just simply for your lips- see here or here. I am known to oil my cuticles with excess lip balm, I profess the use of pretty much any colourless essential oil based balm as a two day anti-pimple cure. And I have now also a new use to speak of. Anti-itching! So far it works only with Carmex but just a twidgy bit relieves the itch of mosquito bites. Comes in handy if you have a nack of getting bitten in your face.

Night Shop

It is always just my luck to find peace of mind and fall in love the day after. Which is the principle reason I won't leave my room today until the time is there to go to a dinner date, there is the necessity of evening shopping but what are the chances of meeting the love of your life in your local Pakistani night shop?

L'Internationale

Where left ideology and kitsch meet.



For the few hours that it lasts: Happy First of May everyone.

And now let's chceck which of my comrades has thought of it likewise.

We just say: "No"

Or we watch Nemo. Muhaha

All Apologies

I've had a long hard think upon how to be just. On how to be fair. But there are simply too many people (two in particular, but of that more hereafter) whom I owe apologies, not all of which that read this blog. I'm sorry this is the best I can do. Some of you would deserve to see me crawl in the dust beneath your feet and beg for forgiveness, others however may have to crawl first.

As mentioned above, there are two people for which this is more particularly true.

First there is the long time companion of the girl with the most beautiful shoulder blades in the world, whom I have in a moment of blind rage unjustly included in my general dislike of men. Not so in facto* but still in scripto*. He is a dear sweet boy and deserves all the friendship I can spare.

Secondly there is a young man who has been nothing but kind to me. All the anger and sadness I have felt resulted from being disappointed in my expectations of you. Expectations that flowed from the assumption you were my friend. An assumption that has proven false as you cannot spare two minutes to talk to me.

I am most sincerely sorry for the uneasiness and trouble I must have caused you.

* I'm pretty sure neither of these terms exist but you catch my drift

The Blogs

I never entered the game of posting about all those new sites and blogs I come across. Not that there aren't any but I don't read most of them on a daily basis. Usually I keep track of only those I really really like and put those on the left (yes that left). However, after being very busy being Lawful Good, not telling any lies-not real lies anyway, being questioned about why I had forsaken/neglected the quest my temple sent me on ( and which nobody told me properly about when I rolled into this campaign) and so on and so on... one of my fellow campaigners suggested out of game I blog more and link to their blogs (or at least hers) too. As there is but one fellow campaigner not to have his own little space on-line (And believe me, we'll talk him into it yet. After all looks deceive, somebody who seems to work best with facts is thus bound to have plenty of inspiration for about seven billion blogs.) here's a short list of the people that already want you to visit them.*

Freckled Phouka and Satan in disguise
Mane
Ruleant
Bright Smith
Viking
Dragases

*Do let me know if I drew the wrong conclusion, unlike might be expected, I'm not incapable of admitting I was wrong.

Don Giovanni

Through some strange twist of fate I found myself at the public broadcasting of Don Giovanni on a square in the vicinity of my student's room. I was tempted there with the promise of two friends attendance and lots of fun. They asked me to bring drinks. And I obliged, thought heck, why not it beats being lonely at home. But loneliness might have been preferable to the company of men.

Keeping up Appearances

I do not ask that you are my friend, merely that if you are not, you don't pretend to be either.

Cantus

For an explanation of the title click here of here. For a detailed account of the events ask someone else. For the effects it had on my general outlook on life, think of what café latte crème iced chocolate chipped caramel fudge could do for a girl on the verge of eternal miserability and you'll get an idea. Apart from the amount of non-descriptive mixes of certain fluids being spilled over my third favourite skirt, I had a good time and of course a cantus on self brewn ice tea is IT.

Missing

In all my goodness and the consideration I feel for my fellow creatures, consideration and love I can easily spare as I leave out of this affection all possesed of Y-chromosomes, I thought it best not o let my fishtank get too hot and thus I placed it in the corridor of the first floor where it is considerably cooler than inside my room. Upon returning from a shopping spree however, my deer pets had gone. Gone. The tank was there, the water plants were there, the plastic castle and the duck called Mozes were there but no sign of Nathanaël, Simon, Thomas and Simon Petrus.

Did someone think them excellent additions to a protein balanced diet? Did a hungry cat sneak in? Was the heat even in the corridor to hot and did they vaporize? Have they mutated into invisible swimmers? Who'll say?

Stapler

Known as a handy office instrument, however some people have clearly underestimated the use of staplers in beginner's sewing classes.

D&D: Ashlyn of Impiltur

A character pretty much forced on me (by which I mean: that I did not create myself), a paladin (soon to be ex-paladin if the DM has his way*), pretty strong, pretty tall and resolved to do which she thinks is best even if it means lying to and/or working for vampires.

* Any mentioning of having complete control and having caused this trouble on myself may result in your untimely death.

Red red... shoes

Considering the fact that red high heeled peep-toed shoes that fit and allow a graceful walk through the campus building is pretty much priceless, they cost next to nothing for the person who gave them to me.

D&D : The Chernovoch

A horrid beast, also known as the giant escargot from crashing under which I was but narrowly yet valiantly saved by Piotr, of whom I shall speak later also. Thankfully it is now dead. Unfortunately none of the spell caster could conjure garlic sauce so we went home hungry and that after all the slashing we did. It's a shame really.

Sam Valkenborgh

Simply my latest celebrity crush. I just hope I spelled his name right. I'm too lazy to check.

Official

Let it be known henceforth that this is now officially no longer an anonymous blog. I'm M or Mona or Morgan or Marco or Bruce, depending on how I introduced myself to you. I reasoned that if the account name for this blog is my real life name and that 80% of the visitors are people who meet/interact with me on a weekly,-if not daily- basis, there is little point in claiming anonymity.

Hypothesis I

When you feel bad, is it natural to want to make everybody around you as happy as possible?

D&D series

Even before it was requested I planned a mini-series on the character(s) I play. As I yet await vital info I give thee these youtube clips to pass the time.

Free Will

By the way, this article has my new favourite quote on free will, attributed to Schopenhauer: “A man can do as he wills, but not will as he wills.” In other words, you are free to do whatever you want. The catch is that you don’t have any control over what you want.*

And so it is that my own better judgement, my pride, my feeling of compassion, and a looming sense of future agony work hard for me to be calm and see sense (one meagre blob of morality boost can never/ should never cause this euphoria) but to no avail I tasted victory. Sweet sweet victory. Because it is what I want, need, crave and as we have just learned there's nothing I can do about that.

* one click on the text will take you to the post were I got this info^
^information for those who do not feed read and hence may have difficulty spotting links

Happy Easter

The sun shines, the flowers bloom, the birds sing and mommy's baking cake and pie and whatnot, plenty of cause for celebration. I am not out of love yet but the respect and admiration once felt melt and whither. Indeed I shall be well again.

@ whomsoever interested; yes I'm available for dinner/film/sex dates.
@ lovely minka; don't ever suggest either M as possible dates ever again

TMNT

A clue as to what I did yesterday, apart from winning in Trivial Pursuit (oh yes I shall be mentioning it again).

The ultimatum

Mere minutes separate me from the ultimatum termination, am I happy? Not fully, but I cope, I'm well enough to celebrate my second Trivial Pursuit victory in a one week time span*. Three cheers for sweet revenge.

* a hint to the hosts of tomorrow, the day after and the day after that, I'm aiming at a three wins in a row.

Chicks Rule

As you'll see on the left ( and by now you should know which left I'm talking about), there has been some coming and going in the pet department, please welcome little mcnuggets and try to feed her regularly.

Lust for life

I'm happy. Not fully happy, not head-over-heels-so-I-don't-think-I'll-survive happy but enough. Tuesday is the end of the ultimatum, whether I'll cope not even be allowed to think of him I don't know. I am capable of fall in love all over when I see him again but right now the butterflies I feel don't concern him. It's life, MY life I'm in love with right now. Which for me is cause enough for celebration.

Side Note: I don't guarantee however that this present state will last long, on the contrary even, but you are all aquainted with my mood swings. And eventually the dark clouds will drift by as well. And now I must get myself to bed. Typing all this makes me feel old and wise, which I am most certainly not.

Ticking

Me and my cooking coach we are a cultural bunch. And yesterday evening we went to a concert for contemporary chamber music, which was never quite my style of entertainment, but I had a great time and the rabbit claims likewise so no problem there.

Only drawback was not having eaten first but still drinking 2 glasses of red wine, so I went home a twidgy bit tipsy, nothing wrong with that is there? I plan on being drunk a few times more this week.

The title of this post refers to 'symphonic poem for 100 metronomes' the centerpiece of the evening. Which was very modern and very cool.

The nerd make-over

Nothing I didn't knew actually.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Here are the keys

A song, me and my elder sister have in mind a lot these days. I realise very few of my out-landish readers speak let alone understand French, but it's the best I can do at finding a song that describes how I feel. Don't shake your heads and think me weak. I shall be well again, I shall forget, I shall be myself and he shall be nothing, but right now I'm just a little sad. Even when it is best for you, it's not easy saying goodbye to love.

VOICI LES CLÉS
Gérard Lenorman


Voici les clés pour le cas où tu changerais d'avis
A ta santé, à tes amours, à ta folie
Je vais tenir mes rêves au chaud et le champagne au froid
Car je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas les dix-huit mois de Nicolas.
Voici les clés ne les perd pas sur le pont des soupirs
Elles sont en or on ne sait jamais ça peut servir
Ne t'en fais pas j'ai ce qu'il faut on n'est jamais perdant
Quand on aime
J'ai tes bouquins et ton petit chien, eux sont contents
Voici les clés de ton bonheur il n'attend plus que toi
Appelle-moi si par bonheur elles n'ouvraient pas
Na na na...
Tu sais toujours où me trouver moi je ne bouge pas
Moi je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas la communion de Nicolas.

Pas de chance j'allais t'emmener en Italie
En voyage d'amour
Pas de chance moi je t'aime aussi
Et depuis bien plus longtemps que lui

Na na na...
Voici les clés de ton bonheur il n'attend plus que toi
Na na na...
Tu sais toujours où me trouver moi je ne bouge pas
Moi je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas l'anniversaire de Nicolas.

Voici les clés pour le cas où tu changerais d'avis
A ta santé, à tes amours, à ta folie
Na na na...
Je vais tenir mes rêves au chaud et le champagne au froid
Car je t'aime
Et n'oublie pas l'anniversaire de Nicolas
Voici les clés ne les perd pas sur le pont des soupirs
Elles sont en or on ne sait pas ça peut servir
Na na na ...

One week's notice*

Men hate me and mock me. Men take their pregnant women and/or offspring to make walks in the park while the springtime lasts. Men play football in the basement of university buildings, 'accidentally' kick the ball in my direction and don't apologise for seriously bruising my shoulder bag. Men are stupid. And men have ruled my world for too long. Way too long.

Mr. Way-Out-Of-My-League aka Q has (counting from midday today) one week to change his mind. (And we all know he won't.) After that he shall be nothing. For the sake of friends that we hold dear in equal degree I am prepared to enter a state of friendly acquaintanceship and that shall be the end.

* As inspired by my elder sister, formulated by the cooking coach and approved of by the love coach.

Edit: There has been pleading for nuance, so as long as the ultimatum lasts I shall be neutral. Or as neutral as I'm capable of.

Eye Candy (as promised)

He's been put up here before, but when making men the least of my priorities, he'll do.

Eye Candy

A big sister, sunshine and advice what more do you need when coming back among the living? Some eye candy wouldn't go wrong but figure of speechwise you'll have to check the post below for that, though of course you know it's actually the post above.

Not that it is really important, it's just that I'm one step closer to forgetting.

Note to self: check with Isilme if she can cast Forgetting.

Dice

How heavy must a stone weigh for a carrier never to get used to being held back? A little happier I walk this earth, a little straighter, looking up somewhat more often. Though I am not yet myself, all is not dark:

I went shopping today and am now the happy owner of 1d4, 5d6, 1d8, 1d12, 2d10, 1d20 and 1d100. Over two weeks I have been asking advice on what colour, style, weight, size etc I should decide on, even questioning about special selection techniques but in the hour of choice disregarded any tips and simply selected on my gut feeling. The best way I guess.

Who was I kidding?

Of course I'm jealous.

Ad Fundum

The title of this post literally translates ' to the bottom' and is almost exclusively used in the meaning drinking till the bottom of a glass. It suits the title of this post because I am about to tell you of the Cantus I just went to.

The exact amount of beer and water I drank, I consider irrelevant ( and no this doesn't mean I drank a lot more beer then water), the time I arrived, the amount of songs I sang and how badly I sang them is likewise not the topic of my entry. But two things that have not a lot to do with either singing or drinking beer.

When asked that all people in love stand up and sing a stanza, I skipped two heartbeats in deciding whether or not to stand up, and I stood up. True I am less and less under his spell but currently still in love. And yet it didn't feel right. Maybe I really should have a talk with Him.

On a slightly related topic, or more of a quick note to someone in particular; Though the time and place were uncontextual, the compliment is not unfelt. You came very close to making me in love with you all over.

Finding words

Finally, finally the answer has come, 263 days too late, but as I turned on my computer just now, after troublesome weeks of trying to 'accept', the answer bumped into my head. And more then ever I could hate myself.

You said: "It isn't me... ?"

And I said: "No. Not you." But I should have said: "It is you, and also somebody else."

And now there isn't a somebody else any more, but there's still you.

Note to somebody or rather a few somebodies: I'm not going to do anything you might call stupid. I will be well again. I owe it to myself. If I am the only one to see how handsome, cute, intelligent, funny, attractive he is, then he probably isn't all that attractive.

The ides of March

The ides of march have come and also nearly gone. In the few minutes that it lasts I don't plan on going to the Senate so for another year I have avoided being stabbed 44 times. Lucky me. But then again I don't have a son called Brutus so the chances were very small to start with.
I'll be busy the next week or so, don't check back. I'll have plenty to write but no time to write it.

Poor Excuse

I'm sorry I can't attend your fund raising party but I have a dinner date with your ex.

Not only did this count as a valid excuse not to attend bollywood-themed social gathering with the purpose of raising money for a good cause, I even got treated to a damn tasty slightly spicy veggie dish, was dragged to free gig of the obscure but fun nonetheless Dagmara, Rocco & the Love Care and Passion Band and got bought a beer.

I wonder how many of you would get away with it. I bet none, zero per cent, absolutely nobody, which only goes to show that I am truly a superior being.

Little Mermaid?

Upon suggestion by the love coach I looked for a test to check what colour underwear most agrees with me, I found this test on the way and I can live with it.

You Are a Mermaid

You are a total daydreamer, and people tend to think you're flakier than you actually are. While your head is often in the clouds, you'll always come back to earth to help someone in need. Beyond being a caring person, you are also very intelligent and rational. You understand the connections of the universe better than almost anyone else.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Some Questions answered

Lists of question just beg to be answered, do send more of these my way.

• What's your all time favourite song? Hard to pick but possibly Bang Bang (my baby shot me down) by Nancy Sinatra
  
• Do you know the lyrics? Yep, by heart
  
• What's your favourite color? Green
  
• Why? Don't really know.
  
• Which memory you would rather not have? First time sex.
  
• Do you love yourself? Not much
  
• Do you think your first name suits you? Of course, I'm named after an evil faerie.
  
• Who's the first person you think of in the morning? Q
  
• Can you describe yourself in three words? Terribly in love.
  
• And in one word? Nope
  

Other Man

Two conclusions I have drawn from the various sources of information and guidance at my disposition- and those include; his attitude towards me, the love coach, my elder sister, the tarot cards, the daily horoscope in my mailbox and my own better judgement- and they be;

1. He neither loves nor hates me but looks upon me as a friend.
2. There is plenty of fish in the sea.

Furthermore I am informed by a self constructed system of reading future/life/fate in bits of coloury paper that there is someone I know who might help me in getting over Mr. Way- Out- Of- My- League. Whenever I put the cards before me (s)he is there, but who is it? Just in case the kind(wo)man comes by; do forgive , I am blind and do bear with me, when not in love I make pleasant enough company (or so those who should know by now tell me).

Malaguena Salerosa

I once posted the lyrics of this song in a topic called " Songs that make me feel good" on the forum of my student's club. Strange how mere months changed me so much that it makes me sad now. But then again what doesn't these days?

The Alternative Route

I had to walk to the 'other' more Northern* train station of Ghent today. As I got there much to my satisfaction a lot faster than I anticipated I decided to take a scenic route home, hoping to find on my way home a Turkish bakery to provide me with both a quick bite and my breakfast for tomorrow. Alas. The proposed scenic route very soon became the alternative route which is in my case only a euphemism for "I got lost but didn't want to admit it".


* more northern than Ghent's principle railway station, which is conveniently much closer for me to walk to.

Azumanga Daioh

From the earliest time that I saw it, I was a fan. After a zero effort of trying to get my very own copy, I spend many a winter evening in front of my LCD screen, in vain trying to learn Japanese from anime quotes and start/ end of episode tunes' lyrics. Life was good. WAS. Untill Microsoft decided to update it's Media Player that now refuses to provide image together with sounds of aforementioned series. Maximushi.

The Free Lands of Scriptores - episode II

I like to keep you up to date so here's some info on my very own country:

The Free Land of Scriptores is a huge, environmentally stunning nation, notable for its devotion to social welfare. Its compassionate population of 222 million are fiercely patriotic and enjoy great social equality; they tend to view other, more capitalist countries as somewhat immoral and corrupt.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it juggles the competing demands of Social Welfare, Education, and Healthcare. The average income tax rate is 61%, and even higher for the wealthy. A large private sector is led by the Uranium Mining industry, followed by Book Publishing and Door-to-door Insurance Sales.

The government helps teach children how to kill a man from six paces, schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students, children are brainwashed at a young age to accept "Love and peace!" as a way of life, and smoking is banned in public areas. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Scriptores's national animal is the goldfish, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the wooden nickel.

Scriptores is ranked 23rd in the region and 6,862nd in the world for Most Income Equality.

D&D

A little token of my gratitude towards the d&d hosts and the regular crowd for making me feel welcome.

Why does my heart cry?

It's not a question. Not even rhetorical. Just a title for this youtube clip:

Quote #4

Learning by experience often is painful- and the more it hurts, the more you learn.

Ralph Banks

Ailment

Don't bother me. I don't feel like it. You know what ails me and it's nothing. I'll live.

Finding My Mobile Phone

The precious Laura has been retrieved and I am now once again fully equipped to purposely ignore anybody trying to call me. Some guilt lingers towards the few dear and beloved ones that have invited me for dinner and song and tea and cake, while Laura rested on the bedside stand in a room I didn't visit for about 16 days. But to be frank I never really missed being constantly* disturbed. Feel free to pester me with text-wise felicitations on retrieving the one incontournable modern facility, I will of course not answer but instead wonder why it is so f*****g hard to understand AND remember that I hate talking on the phone and prefer face-to-face or written communication.

* In my case twice a week or so, still very disturbing.

Romeo & Julia

When destitutely in love, one thing not to do is going to watch Romeo & Julia brought on stage by an amateur theatre company in the ever wanted presence of an not unhandsome young man*, but for a while it has cured me. Weird though it may seem. It could have been the Ice-Tea I drank but I doubt it.

And the play? Well it was a modern interpreation by amateurs. A lot better then I expected, but I fear I prefer my Shakepeare the traditional way and acted by only the very best by which I don't mean Leonardo DiCaprio.

*He hasn't got a girlfriend btw, moderatley intelligent, modest, non-smoking girls from my home province can contact me about that.

"Perfectionist"

You heard it. That's what he called me. A perfectionist. As if it was a bad thing.

Bah. Men.

What is a pocky?

You Are Milk Pocky

Your attitude: caring and charming Smooth and silkly... invigorating and natural. You are like comfort food for the soul.

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

Click here for an explanation of POCKY

Tea - part five

As I poured myself a cup of deliciously scented green tea this morning, I suddenly remembered I didn't drink any tea yesterday. Not one cup.

Love has truly rendered me mad.

Pride and Prejudice

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Mr. Darcy

How I wish I could tell him, but he already knows so what is there to be done? Here: a youtube clip. Some eye candy never goes wrong.

Enough

Every now and then it jumps at me. From behind corners and out of the shadow at times and in place I didn't expect to see him. The realisation of how much I am still in love.

Not obsessively as some have suggested.

But enough.

More than enough to be just happy when I catch a glimpse of him, enough to be jealous of every woman he looks at, enough to be unhappy because he'll never love me, enough to sometimes wish I'd never met him, enough to make my heart skip a beat when he smiles at me, enough to adore the ground he treads on, enough to make my knees grow weak at the thought of being in one room.

But other than that I feel nothing. Is this what she means with "Accept"?

Accept

"Accept", she said, "and then get on."

As if it was easy. She didn't answer the question "How?"

Talk

We should talk. We should. Maybe we should have talked in October/November, but I'm pretty sure I didn't have the courage back then. And I'm not wholly sure I'll have the courage now, but it feels like something I owe him AND myself.


I also should have talked to somebody else, somewhere in August. I know what I want(ed) to be said, but they're men so how do I get my message across?

Quote #3

Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.

Steve Martin

Unrain

And the best part about it not raining, whilst still being bad weather is that I can hang out on playgrounds so thoughtfully integrated in public parks for the pleasure of people 1/3 my age without being reprimanded, scorned or maybe even seen.

Rain

The best thing about the rain is that nobody sees when you cry.

Two parties- part two

I've arrived home. Home in my student's room at least. What can I say?! I hope neither host regrets having invited me. I certainly don't regret meeting a bunch of new people, having a chat with friends/ acquaintances that go far and not so far back, being lent a bicycle, drinking (in that order) two glasses of wine, one glass of Piña Colada, one small glass of Amaretto, one glass of Piña Colada, three glasses of water, two glasses of Piña Colada, three glasses of juice, two glasses of Coca Cola, a glass of Piña Colada, one small Amaretto, a glass of Piña Colada, two glasses of water and a rather large glass of Amaretto.

It was great fun to see my friends Thomas and Benny again, it was somewhat less fun to have to realise again he ( Mr. Way-Out-Of-My-League) doesn't really like me that much.

Two parties

Usually I have no social life whatsoever. And suddenly there are two birthday parties at the exact same time, in a totally different part of the same city, where my attendance is wanted (or at least that's how I interpret an invitation).

How do you choose between the birthday festivities of a good friend that you see way to little or the party thrown by a recently acquired brother (ie the older brother you always wanted and now finally sort of have)?

How many reasons do you need?

On Planet Ugent I bumped onto this link, I off course already knew all of this but in case somebody still wonders why Mr. Way-out-of-my-league, here are the reasons.

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention to the flashy boys.

1.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they're well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are... plus, I've never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

2.) They're useful. In this tech-savvy world, it's great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They're more romantic than they're given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such... but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like 'em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like 'em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They've got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it'll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they're more attentive than guys who "have more options". Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they'll likely have mental lists of all the things they'd love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I'm not really familiar with this myself, but I've friends who've been intimate with geek guys and it's raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra... all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They're relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you're not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won't have to worry much about your geek guy getting his "groove" on with club hotties because, frankly, he'll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won't have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he'll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I've seen this happen.
Me: "Eww. Victoria Secret's Models... They're so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!"
Geek Guy: "ooooooo..."
Me: "Hey!" *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: "What?"
Me: "Never mind..."

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you'll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he'll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn't want to go someplace with you, you won't have to worry much about what he's up to. You'll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It's ok. He's used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren't jerks. I can't stress this enough. You'll more likely get "Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!" than "Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on..." They're awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code... a geek can dream).

12.) They're rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won't care. He does too! They won't get pissy if you don't wear make-up or don't want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won't try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They're usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won't have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he'll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce...

14.) You'll almost never have to hear, "Yaw dawg whazzap!!" plop out of their mouths. Unless it's in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get "wasted", so you won't have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps...

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that's a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than "DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!" Believe me.

Quote #2

It is bad luck to be superstitious.

Andrew W. Mathis

Quote #1

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

Voltaire
French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 - 1778)

Barcelona

It just so happens that nearly everyone I know that has ever done any bit of traveling has been to Barcelona or has plans to go soon. Which is pretty annoying as I've been wanting to go since I was eleven or so. I know people who made a one-week city trip to Gaudi's city and never even bothered to make pictures of the Sagrada Familia for me ( yes, mom and dad, I AM talking about you). Why does nobody ever bother to invite me? Seriously, must I beg?

Well as you won't miss me, I'm going to Vienna this summer. When faced with the fact of no true friends one must not neglect one's first loves.

Cashback

A movie, some dinner, conversation, a chance to try on some else's glasses and a goodbye kiss. What could be more simple, what could be more fun?

The facts: 17h30 local time I went to see Cashback, which was short but lasted longer and in a good way too. Afterwards our party of four split up and the singles went for a bite. It was fun.

What more can I say, there is nothing more. No reader, don't think I left out any gory little details. There are none. I just had a good time.

Note to self: when time and money allow; indulge in impulsiveness. You're at your best when not overthinking things.

Dear L.

Dear L. ,
Remember the last kiss you gave? I wonder if we could do it all over, so that maybe I could forget about Q. Who is much more my type, much more the man of my dreams, much more handsome and much more everything, including in love with a goddess with whom I could never compete.
Love Always,
B

Do wonder reader what it is about. I'll explain. A google search resulted in finding all personal data ( mobile phone number, e-mail, and home address) of the first man I ever fell in love with (and I mean the first post high school oh-he-is-cute in-loveness; wobbly knees, shivers when I hear his name, no lust for anything but to be with him). And I wonder whether or not to write? I spend the better half of six months after we stopped being house mates looking for a way to get in touch. The fact is that I can now, that I even know what I would ask and/or say but isn't it forbidden? Forbidden by whatever I feel for someone else?

Boekentoren

The title of this post translates as Booktower.

By it is meant a monument a 1-minute walk up my street.

Here's a picture:

It's made the finale of a game show around which monument in Flanders, Belgium deserves to get 1 million € for renovation. The Booktower will or at least should get this money because of its beautiful art deco belvedère (or so they say, even though I pass the bloody thing on a three to four times a day basis I've never made it to the belvedère and I'm not an expert on art déco either).

My whole point is: here are some youtube clips from people explaining in their dialect why the Booktower is so important, why it should win and what it means to them. Enjoy!

Two Booktowers afficionado's from my home province:



Two people in love with the tower and each other:


And last but not least, in some obscure dialect the vice-chairman of my student's club: